Ya know... everyday I have my talks with God. When Richard was first diagnosed last year I can't begin to tell you what I was feeling. I was mad, angry, I felt betrayed by God. Like the reason this was happening to us was because of all the poor decisions I have made in my life. And I will admit it took me a while to overcome that. But I did and I now my faith is the strongest it has ever been. I know now that I was wrong (of course) but then I didn't. Even though I was mad at God I still wanted Him to make it all better. Oh how I prayed, just prayed about it all. We haven't been to Church in a couple of months I guess. The boys go but Richard hasn't felt up to it and I work all week and I just don't want to leave him. This may be wrong to some but where Richard is, is where I want to be. I love my Church and I miss it greatly but I know they love us and pray for us daily as well as understand what we're going through. Sharon Heights is AWESOME check it out if you get a chance.
Richard, when the Nurse and Doctor's first came in he was overwhelmed by emotion. But it quickly turned to peace, God had given him the peace and reassurance that it would be OK. No matter what the outcome it would be OK. Oh how I prayed for that peace. Did I ever get it? No, I don't think so. God has a reason I'm sure. What it is I still don't know. But when I get to Heaven I plan on asking.
Everyday before my feet hit the floor in the mornings I talk to God. "God please help me to get on with my day"
When I get in my car "God please don't let me get run over on the interstate just let me make it to work safely"
As I'm walking the 3 blocks to get to my building "God please take care of Richard and the boys and let this day pass with no incidents"
All day long I pray.
At night when it's just me and God in my bed I cry and beg. Oh how I beg. I still beg for the peace, I beg for "it" to go away God please just take it away like only you can. I beg for my one mores, one more minute, one more day, one more kiss, one more hug, one more laugh, one more "I love you" Please God let him stay please don't take him away from me. I need him. Oh how I need him. The boys need him. Their so young still please leave their Daddy here. I do love you so much Father and I trust you no matter. I know that your plans are the only plans. And that you are the real keeper of all time. I know that we will be together whether it be here or in all the precious holiness of your kingdom God. I know your love for us is like no other. I need him here but if you need him more then so be it. But please God just one more day.
I love you. Amen
6 months ago
8 comments:
You know what, I know that I couldn't have peace about it either and I know that is a horrid feeling for you. I'll pray for you too. You need to enjoy your life together and I know that stress of worrying about how long you have, is making you not enjoy it as much. I'm glad your husband has some peace, I can't imagine being in his shoes. Cyber hugs and prayers.
Cherish each moment! The time goes so quickly and I can fully imagine your pain. Praying that God will fill you with HIS peace and HIS strength today.
That was the most beautiful thing I have read in a long time. Thank you for sharing. I hope writing it gave you some more peace with situation. Thinking of you!!
Hey Baby you have hit the nail on the head. This is what I to pray for one more day just one more.And I thank him for that one more day each day I wake up. I know that time is sooooo short and goes by so fast but we make the most of it. I don't know what God's plans are for me but I know that good things can and do come out of tragic things that happens to us all.I tell people that if one person can see my faith and trust I have in our Lord, and that brings them to want to know him and to be closer to him. That it is worth going thru all of this.I know you must think I am crazy but if you only knew what I know you would do all you could to be close to him. He does bring me peace that only he can give.I love my God and all he does for me and my family.I love you so much Baby. Thank you for being part of my life. And yes I did tear up while I read your blog. Your hubby. :)
Crud... I was already crying after reading your post and then reading Richard's comments... UGH!! All I have at my desk is toilet paper (don't ask)....
That was so beautiful sweetie... thank you for sharing and reminding me that I need to be grateful for each moment, each one more than I am given....
This was beautiful!!! absolutely Beautiful!!
I wish I could find peace... Sometimes it can be so elusive. One day at a time. That's all we can ask for right now. But I hear about the prayer thing. I am constantly praying throughout the day. For Ric, for my family, for my friends... Richard and you are right up there. I know this is hard. I tell Ric this is the hardest time in my life, but I have faith that we will make it through. One way or another, we will get by.
Found your blog thru 5 minutes for Mom. Congratulations and prayers coming your way. My MIL goes to Sharon Heights and we live "just up the road" from you in a neighboring community! Nice to find your blog!
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