One more God just one more

Ya know... everyday I have my talks with God. When Richard was first diagnosed last year I can't begin to tell you what I was feeling. I was mad, angry, I felt betrayed by God. Like the reason this was happening to us was because of all the poor decisions I have made in my life. And I will admit it took me a while to overcome that. But I did and I now my faith is the strongest it has ever been. I know now that I was wrong (of course) but then I didn't. Even though I was mad at God I still wanted Him to make it all better. Oh how I prayed, just prayed about it all. We haven't been to Church in a couple of months I guess. The boys go but Richard hasn't felt up to it and I work all week and I just don't want to leave him. This may be wrong to some but where Richard is, is where I want to be. I love my Church and I miss it greatly but I know they love us and pray for us daily as well as understand what we're going through. Sharon Heights is AWESOME check it out if you get a chance.

Richard, when the Nurse and Doctor's first came in he was overwhelmed by emotion. But it quickly turned to peace, God had given him the peace and reassurance that it would be OK. No matter what the outcome it would be OK. Oh how I prayed for that peace. Did I ever get it? No, I don't think so. God has a reason I'm sure. What it is I still don't know. But when I get to Heaven I plan on asking.

Everyday before my feet hit the floor in the mornings I talk to God. "God please help me to get on with my day"

When I get in my car "God please don't let me get run over on the interstate just let me make it to work safely"

As I'm walking the 3 blocks to get to my building "God please take care of Richard and the boys and let this day pass with no incidents"

All day long I pray.

At night when it's just me and God in my bed I cry and beg. Oh how I beg. I still beg for the peace, I beg for "it" to go away God please just take it away like only you can. I beg for my one mores, one more minute, one more day, one more kiss, one more hug, one more laugh, one more "I love you" Please God let him stay please don't take him away from me. I need him. Oh how I need him. The boys need him. Their so young still please leave their Daddy here. I do love you so much Father and I trust you no matter. I know that your plans are the only plans. And that you are the real keeper of all time. I know that we will be together whether it be here or in all the precious holiness of your kingdom God. I know your love for us is like no other. I need him here but if you need him more then so be it. But please God just one more day.

I love you. Amen

Almost the weekend.

Not much going on here today. Same old stuff. It's the end of the month though and things are slightly hectic.
Richard and I were talking earlier and he was talking about that new drug Erbitux that he starts on the 11th. He's been doing some research on the Internet (which when you know you have something like Cancer the Internet is not always a useful tool) Anyways I think he is a little concerned and alot worried. The side effects are a little worse than the ones from the Chemo he was doing. Also 100% of patients that do this drug develop and acne like rash over their entire body. Which is not something Richard is looking forward to as it can be painful.

I don't know how long he will be doing these treatments I guess it mainly depends on how long he can tolerate them and if the next scan shows that it's working. Again this is not a cure it's just another tool to buy us more time.

I have to admit sometimes I wish he wouldn't do the treatments because like right now he is feeling pretty good. But I know that, that is fixing to change as soon as he starts. But then on the other hand I want as many days with him as God feels the need to give us. I just hate for him to suffer and to feel bad and to not be able to do anything. I love him , I just love him.

No real word on my Daddy yet. They are sending him for more test on the 12th of August. How fitting right? Richard starts new treatment on the 11th, Dad has more test on the 12th, Boys start school on the 13th. August is already not looking like such a good month.

One last thing. I really like my job and the people I work with, I really do. But a new job opportunity has opened up. It's in the same area of the Hospital I'm in now just in a different department. I have been talking it over with Richard, friends and some fellow employees. But I just can't decide if I want to move or not. Of course I would have to go through the whole application process and interview I suppose. It's not guarantee that they would even give it to me. It's the same hours 7:30am to 4:30pm Monday - Friday but a higher pay rate. Ugh what is a girl to do. What do you guys think? Should I apply for it or just wait, stay where I'm at and see what else comes along?

Video I made for Richard

I made this Video a while back for Richard. I want to make another one using his pictures from his childhood but I need a scanner for that. Hopefully will get one before to long.

Anyways I don't know how many of you have watched this. But I encourage you to watch it again and make sure you have your sound turned up. Not only have I used it to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis but also to let people know that when someone appears healthy and alright on the outside sometimes they are not so much on the inside. For more information on this you can check out But You don't look sick. This website has some awesome tips and information for everybody.

Now on to the video. Let me know what you think. Oh and you might better grab some tissue.


Even though my local CF walk has passed you can still check it out and make donations on my page that will continue to go to Vital CF research and help us in reaching our goal for the year 2008. If you would like to check out my walk page or make a donation. You can find that information HERE!

Cookbook for a buck

You may think I'm a little crazy but... I assure you I am not. At least not right now, not about this. Check out my new friend Gina. She is raising money for her husband George. She is doing this by selling cookbooks of tried and true recipes for a dollar. And best of all there is no Shipping and Handling. You pay your dollar and you get the cookbook in a pdf format that you just open and print. I mean genius pure genius. And I know all my Blogy Buds love to cook and make yummy things so go check it out.
Watch George's video below.

Best of all you'll be supporting the cause so George can get this new treatment and win the fight.

Girlfriends

As I have mentioned before... losing my Mother at the age of 9 was one of the hardest things I have ever had to endure. And being without a Mother to teach you all the important things a little girl needs to know was even harder.

That's where my Girlfriends came in. Like Becca for instance we were very best friends from the start. At the young age of 9 we talked about everything. I could cry and she would cry with me. We have always just been that way. When we started Jr. High we were both so nervous. And I always thought Becca was prettier than me she was tan and blond and well you know the type. Becca wore make-up and my daddy wanted to keep me his little girl but he also wanted me to fit in with all the other girls. So who else to turn to than Becca. She taught me how to apply make-up and the eyeliner and mascara. Grant it she was tan and blond and wore the electric blue eyeshadow and hot pink lipstick. It looked really good on her um... not so much on the fair skinned freckled redhead of myself. But that's ok I learned to do it the right way.

This is me at 14.

I don't think waxing eyebrows was in back then. lol And check out the height on that hair of mine. Whoa!

My point is that no matter how old I get I will remember and cherish these things that have taught me the meaning of real friendship. There are not enough pages in a book to tell all the stories and all the things Becca and I have been through together. I love her more than words. While I was in Florida she took me out for a well deserved girl's night. Along with another one of my real good friends Harmony. I love these girls they so ROCK!

Me, Becca and Harmony

Not to much

It's Monday and nothing is really going on around here. Just the usual Monday... which I am very grateful for. Although I don't feel so hot my throat is slightly sore and I have a headache. And yes I took some Advil hopefully I will start to feel better soon.

Although Lizzy is not helping with her having us to guess her last name game. Oh this will drive me nuts if she doesn't tell me. I am one of those people that have to know things especially if you mention it and then don't tell the rest of the story. Oh... yes I am that anal.

Oh and I am officially signed up for "Good Mail" I am super excited about this. Sometimes I feel that the Internet is taking over our world. I love to get handwritten notes and packages in the mail. I also love to give these things. So I'm super excited to interact with other people all over the place. If any of you are interested please check it out over at Jody's Blog. Just let her know your interested and she'll get you all set up.

Oh, to go back...

Oh how I want to be here again.

This picture cracks me up. The way their standing is exactly the same. So much a like at times yet so very different.

Calob just had to be buried in the sand. He stayed there for quite sometime wearing my sunglasses.

Look at all those freckles. Too cute.

Not to much going on here today. Richard is napping on the couch. The boys are asleep in Jacob's floor. And I have been crocheting and thought I would take a break so I could share a few more pics with you guys.

I got one more. This is a picture of yours truly when I had just turned one. The picture is huge and it hangs in the hallway at my Dad's. So I thought I would share. It's just funny to me that out of all the pictures my Dad has of my now this is the one that hangs in the house. Guess I'll always be Daddy's little girl.

Sometimes...

There are things in our lives that one remembers. There are things that you hear and read that make you say WOW! Well a few months back Diane Sawyer interviewed Randy Pausch. The Author of the book The Last Lecture. As Richard and I sat and watched this show it was amazing to say the least. Here sits a young man dying from Pancreatic Cancer and he was leaving behind a Wife, 3 children and a legacy.

Randy Pausch died this morning. He will be remembered by many. I will never forget Randy Pausch's Last Lecture as it made me realize not to take anything for granted. And I recommend that you go to You Tube and watch it. Or go by the Book.

Zoo 2008 Pictures

We had an awesome time at the Zoo. But it sure was HOT! Her are some Pics of the Boys.

The Boys on the Gorilla.

Me and the Hubby!

Feeding and petting the Sting Rays.

The BIGGEST Toad Frog I have ever seen.

Feeding the Giraffes.

The Boys and Their Papa.

Always a Daddy's Girl!

Calob and Richard. (Calob's making his tough face)

Me and Jacob cheesin' it up.

And ya'll all know how I am about some Sepia toned pictures. Love it.

More to come

We arrived in Jacksonville last Friday evening. When we got there we all went to grab a bite for supper.

The next day we went to MOSH (Museum of Science and History) We had a very good time. They had these replicas of everyday bugs but they were thousands of times bigger. Plus they had the noises that were amplified to what they would sound like if they really were that big. The boys thought it was pretty cool.

Me being terrified of anything creepy crawly. It kind of freaked me out. But here are a few pics.

Afterwards we took a few more pictures in front of the Fountain.

Prayers please

Ok so I know you all want details of my vacation and I promise I will get to that and post some pictures in the next couple of days. Probably will be closer to the weekend when I have a little bit more time.

Anyways I just wanted to ask that you please pray for my Dad. My Dad can be very hard headed at times. He hasn't been to see a Doctor in over 20 years. But the week before we got down there for our vacation he finally went. He noticed that he felt full all the time and his weight has gotten down to 151 pounds. Well the Tuesday that we were there the Nurse called and said that she needed him to come in first thing Wednesday morning that the blood work on his liver came back high. So he couldn't eat anything after 8:30 that night and had to be at the Doctor's office early the next morning. He went and they drew more blood.

Well yesterday was his visit with the Doctor. All that was really said was that my Dad's liver enzymes are extremely high but he doesn't have Hepatitis. The Doctor didn't really say what it could be, he wants to wait until all the test come back. So today my Dad is having a CAT scan and then Thursday he has to go for an Echo Cardiogram because he has a heart murmur which he has known about for several years. Just please pray that whatever it is that it's nothing serious and it can be treated. Pray for me also as it is hard being an only child and living so far away. If it is where my Dad is going to need care I will have no choice but to take a leave of absence from my job so I can go down there and stay with him. This will be difficult for me as well as Richard and the Boys. But we have a great support system here.

Also I have an update on Richard. The Oncologist called yesterday and it appears from the Pathology report that the Antibody drug they want to use to slow the progression of his Cancer will work. So he will start that in August. Please pray for him as the side effects for this drug are about as bad as the ones from the Chemo. If this doesn't work Richard has decided he isn't going to do any more Chemo. It is just taking too much of a toll on his lungs for him to keep doing it.

Thanks in advance for the prayers.

I got presents!

Even while on vacation I was still getting some love by my dear Bloggy friends. I got the same present twice. How great is that? Liz and Tam you gals ROCK! I know you want to see what I got. Right? Nosey bunch of Blog readers. Haha just kidding. You know I love it when you stop by to visit. Ok here it is.

And of course it has rules.

These are the rules:

1. The recipient must link back t0 the award's creator (http://www.thebabblingsofmere.blogspot.com/)

2. You must post these rules if you receive the award.

3. You must chose 5 people to receive the award after receiving it yourself

4. You must fit the characteristics of the recipient of the award, as posted by Mere.

5. You must post the characteristics of a recipient.

6. You must create a post sharing your win with others.

7. You must thank your giver.

Characteristics for the Smile Award:

1. Must display a cheerful attitude. (not necessarily at all times--we are all human)

2. Must love one another

3. Must make mistakes

4. Must learn from others

5. Must be a positive contributor to blog world

6. Must love life

7. Must love kids

So now for my 5. Hmmmm...

First would have to be Susie. She was one of my first Blog friends. I don't even know how I found her but I am so glad I did. She always has a kind word to say even with everything she is going through. And she is the only person I know that has Rats for pets. Yep you heard me right:-P

Next would be Krissy. Truly a real FireCracker. She leaves me laughing or crying always. And she knows just what to say to cheer me up when I'm in a slump.

April would have to be the next one. She is a newlywed. And it is the sweetest thing you have ever seen between her and Big D. She also knows alot of what I go through with Richard since she lost her Dad to Cancer as well.

Moving on with Melissa. I only have one word for her and it's Amazing. Sometimes you meet people and you realize how strong their Faith is. And Melissa is one of those people. Her Faith and her willingness to serve God and others is truly Amazing.

And last but certainly not least is Kori. It's not me it's her. We share many things besides just the spelling of our names. The way we tend to analyze things and be extremely anal cracks me up. She is awesome and I really wish they would catch Creepy Stalker Guy cause it makes me worry.

Now I could keep going but the rules strictly sate only 5. But I don't like that. So this award is for all you folks. Thanks for being interested in the happenings of our family.

Oh how I...

Missed you guys. I have so much catching up to do. Eleven days worth to be exact. Whew that could take a while. But I promise to stop by and visit you guys tomorrow. It's awesome to know I was missed.

Vacation was GREAT! We had a very good time despite the rain. I have plenty of stories and pictures to share in the coming days. Oh I am so glad to be home.

Also one last thing.

Today 46 years ago my wonderful Hubby was born. He has faced many things in his life. The Docs all said he wouldn't live to graduate High School. But they were wrong, so very wrong. Happy Birthday Sparky I love you! Thanks for being who you are.

Oh geez

I have so much stuff to do and I'm at work.

We are leaving in 21 hours. (yay, Yippee, goody goody gumdrops!)

Anyways I was off yesterday but did I get anything done? Um that would be a Big Fat NO! I had to go register Jacob for Middle School. My sweet baby is growing up so fast. He has a locker and an agenda book. Oh how I want him to stay in Elementary School. Middle School brings change and I'm not crazy about change. But I had to register him and $146 bucks later he's ready to go. Can you believe it cost that much? Craziness I tell you. And that is not even including the school supplies I have to buy. They have a list for everything. After I finished with that I had to run by the grocery store to pick up snack and drinks for long ride to the East coast. It's vacation so yes I bought Junk food. We will of course stop and eat along the way. But the boys eat all the time (hence the snacks)

After the trip to the store I went home for a little while and then I had to bring Jacob to his Doctor's appointment. No he isn't sick. He's fine. But on the way home there was an overturned Tractor Trailer and we had to sit in traffic for 2 hours. I didn't get home until 6:30. Then we had to do dinner and all that stuff.

So now tonight when I get home around 5 I have to pack plus clean up and put up stuff around the house. Kim is house and dog sitting for us. Which is great! But you know I want the house to be neat. Richard started doing a tune-up on the van yesterday but he got tired and didn't finish. So he is working on that today again. He doesn't have much more to do. I just have so many things that I need to be doing.

I'm sure I'm in for a long night. At least I can sleep during the 8 hour drive. Oh I am so ready and so excited.

Discrimination

Ok so maybe that's a strong word to use.

But I have been all over the place to try and find a descent bathing suit. Why is it that stores have rows upon rows of suits for the skinny women. But only one rack for the pleasantly plump woman.

I understand that I am no longer the skinny person I once was. I am know longer in the single digit sizes. And I am Ok with that. I love me and my body (and so does the Hubby) But I don't think I should have to wear a terrible looking bathing suit to make me look worse. And why do they use all the pretty colors and patterns for the skinny bathing suits.

I mean us big girls only get the ugly colors and those big flower patterns. YUCK!

I like to think I pick out cute clothes for myself that accentuates my curves. And all I want is a bathing suit that does the same. I'm not asking for much. Geez

Pretty, pretty

So I'm going on Vacation. And yes, I know ya'll are probably tired of hearing about it already.

Anyways I'm really looking forward to it. A couple of weeks I was talking to my Best Friend of 18 years Mabel. I asked her to tell me one word that best describes our Friendship. The word she chose was "Blessing" I thought it fit. So I looked up Lisa Leonard and I was inspired by her jewelry. Best of all she Blogs! So I sent her an e-mail told her what I would like and she made it and I got it Thursday. Here it is...

Isn't it AWESOME! If you're looking for that perfect gift. Lisa is the one that can help. And it didn't break the Bank.

Now you guys know I have taken on the hobby of crocheting. Praying and crocheting is my new motto. I finally finished the one I was making for Richard. But now I have decided to give it to my Dad and make Richard another one. It took 3 weeks but I'm through. It's big enough to fit a full size bed. And I have to admit I did a good job.

Also we had pictures a month or so at Church. And I thought I would show it to you guys. So here it is...

The Bug has bit me.

So the boys have been battling a Stomach bug for the past 3 days. I kept telling myself I wasn't going to get it.

But as you may have already guessed the Bug has bit me. My stomach hurts and I just feel yucky. I guess from the lack of sleep and me going and going all the time it was bound to happen cause a Mama has to love on her sick babies.

I hope everyone has a great fourth and hopefully we will all be feeling well enough to go enjoy the Fireworks tomorrow at Vulcan Park. It's our tradition.

Be safe and I'll hopefully be on tomorrow night posting pictures. If not maybe Saturday.

I am fixing to go take a good swig of Kaopectate and go to bed. I hope it helps. Yuck!

Yay Me!

I was going to wait and post tomorrow considering that I have posted 3 times already today. Guess I'm just blog happy. Especially since it's all new and pretty. I mean WOW!

Ok so now onto my Yay news. I called my Dad to tell him that we weren't going to be able to come. And my dear old Dad said Oh no, you're coming. My Dad really is the greatest and I can't wait to get one of his hugs!

See the reason we weren't going to be able to go is because the IRS is holding our Stimulus check until the end of August because we had an amended tax return. And this was what we were going to use to go on vacation. But dad is going to send me the money that our check is going to be and then when our check gets here in August I just sign it over to him.

Yay beach here I come!

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it! ( Be glad I am not really singing this, be very glad!)

Holy Cow Batman!

Love it, love it!

Don't you just love it? The Colors, the design, and best of all the Title. Let me know what you think. Don't be shy now.

Krystyn ROCKS! And so do her designs. You should so check her out.

I love my new Blog. It so made my day! Thanks a bunch Krystyn!

(After reading this I realized I really use the word "so" alot) lol :-P

Mary Kay calling?

Oh my goodness. I so had to blog about this.


I am sitting here just a few minutes ago minding my own business. When a woman walks up to me and says Hi could you please tell me where I can find so and so. Sure I say and then out of the blue while I'm still talking she says have you ever had a facial before?

Ok I am slightly taken a back by this and I reluctantly say yes. Then she thrusts her card in my face and ask me to fill out the back. I look still in shock thinking geez does my face really look that bad. Really?

Anyways I feel out the card and then she goes into this whole spill about Mary Kay. And I'm like um... I used to sell it about 3 years ago. And then that really gets her fired up and she wants to know why in the world I don't sell this wonderful product anymore.

Well I say a lot of my friends thought it was too expensive and I never used it myself much. I really like the Satin Hands and Body though and that was about all I used. And she's like you really must try it again alot of the products have changed and they are not as expensive. I simply and nicely tell her I'm not interested and she is just persistent. I am trying to answer the phone that is screaming in my ear and she still continues to talk.

So then I tell her I will think about. And she's like Kari that is your name right? I say no it's Kori and she says Oh I'm sorry. And then the very next sentence is

"Kari there isn't really anything to think about it's only 25 dollars to sign up for previous consultants. And it's a great opportunity."

Again I say I will think about it. (why, why do I say these things)

She grabs her things off of my desk and says "Ok Kari I will call you tomorrow."

First off does this really look like Kari? This is my handwriting the same that was on the card I filled out.

And second why would I want to sell Mary Kay again? I mean if I didn't like doing it before why would I want to do it again? And why can't you take the hint? And if I wanted to buy something I go to Church with a Consultant that is really nice and not all in my face and I love her. (Hey Laura)

And why are you trying to sell me Make-up when you have not a drop on?

I mean Hello?

So this has been me today. In the computer pretty much here at work. Trying to find some things around here that we can do during my whole week off.

The boys actually have Camp on the 12th. They weren't going to go because we were planning on leaving on the 11th. But now they can go to Camp Newhope. It is a camp just for kids that have parents , granparents or siblings with cancer. It's just a one day camp. They went last year in the fall and loved it. So I know they will be just as excited about going this summer.

I haven't called my Dad yet to tell him we won't be able to come. Maybe I am still hoping, praying and wishing for my miracle. I know my Dad is going to be diappointed. He hasn't seen us in almost 3 years.The boys are getting so big. It is just to far for him to drive here alone. I miss him so much.

I know I'm being whiny... trust me I know. But I'm tired, tired of working all the time to just pay bills, tired of Richard feeling bad, tired of not being able to go buy those really cute shoes at Peebles, tired of having to borrow Kim's clothes to wear to work just so I have something cute and summery to wear. (mainly because half of my stuff doesn't fit from last year) I'm just tired of everything. If nothing else I will be resting for all those days I have off.

But I have looked online and found some things that we might can do that won't break the bank. Thanks for listening and letting me vent.

Bummed

I am so bummed out right now. I have already turned in my vacation days and got them approved. But do to our financial situation it doesn't look like I'll be making it to Florida. We just have so much going on this month. The boys have to be registered for School and Jacob's dues are almost 200 bucks. Plus the whole book of school supplies I have to buy as well as a new warddrobe and shoes and all that stuff. (I REALLY NEED A VACATION) I am trying to be optimistic about it and think maybe something will change. But my realistic side is just really upset.

I haven't seen my Dad, friends or the beach in almost 3 years. And with everything that has and is going on with our family I feel like we really need and deserve this vacation. I have cried but of course that hasn't solved anything. I was so excited about going but right now unless we have a miracle arise it just doesn't look possible for us to go.

I'll keep praying for a miracle because my vacation starts in 9 days. If no miracle should happen guess I'll just turn my vacation time back in (if they will let me do that) and work. Cause I sure don't want to waste 6 vacation days just sitting at the house. Ugh I am so FRUSTRATED!