Well things are pretty much the same around here. Richard is holding his own while in the hospital. He went and did some walking on the treadmill last night but when he got back to his room he started coughing up some blood. He reported it the nurse and she said it was a moderate amount. Today seems to be better as far as the blood goes it's just small amounts with some older blood mixed in. This is not normal for him at all. So of course I've been worried.

We spent most of the day up their with him today and I got to the point where I couldn't hold my eyes open. So I took like a 3 hour nap in the small hospital bed with Richard laying right beside me. Hey you gotta do what ya gotta do to get some sleep. And I sleep alot better when he's laying next to me.

My friend Kim spent last night with me and she is staying again tonight just to keep me company. The boys love having her here. I think that have wore her out completely. Well I will update tomorrow. Hope all is well with all you guys.

Mi Vida Loca

Yep that's right My crazy life has started.

Just as I suspected Richard went to his CF clinic appointment today and he was admitted. A wife knows all I tell you. Ok so not really but after being married for 7 and a half years I can pretty much look at Richard and tell when it is time for a tune~up. And this was definitely the time.

I am never ready for this nor am I ever prepared. It never gets any easier. We packed him all up last night because I just wanted to be somewhat prepared. His appointment was at 9 and he called me at 9:15 to tell me that Yes they were going to put him in a room. His PFT's were low but not as bad as we thought they would be. Which is a blessing. So I went and helped get all the things out of the car big honking 100 pound suitcase and his Vest that has to weigh like 80 pounds and I lugged that sucker all the way to the room. Got him all settled in and comfortable and then I walked across the street to get back to work. Another reason I love my job I work at the Hospital just in the Rehabilitation part but I am just a crosswalk away from the hubby I love so much. So for the next 2 weeks my lunches will be spent with him.

14 days doesn't seem like a long time but trust me it is. See I am pretty much the breadwinner for our family. And Richard takes care of the house. So now for 2 weeks I become a single parent. I work a 40 hour week come home cook dinner, do laundry, pick up and put up, make sure the boys get showers and brush their grubbing hoes (that would be teeth for all non-southern peeps) Get me a bath, figure out what to wear to work tomorrow, pay bills all while trying to fit visits in to the hospital and make sure the boys are doing ok. It makes me tired just thinking about it and that is something else I have said many times I don't sleep much well when Richard is gone sleep is pretty much non existent. Yes I am a scaredy cat and I hear all the bumps in the night and creeks this old house of mine makes. Never will I be used to this.

But I know that... The will of God will never take you Where the Grace of God won't protect you.
Thank God for my crazy life. I will take everyday he continues to give us and never will I be ungrateful.

Breathing

Very slow day at work today. Nothing exciting happened except the yummy black bean salsa that Minnie Mouse brought to work to make me happy. Loved it. Minnie Mouse is my lovely co~worker. She ROCKS! I really love my job. Even though I have only been there 6 months it feels like I have been there much longer. And no that isn't a bad thing. It has taken me 28 years to find a job that I really like and this one is it. It certainly has it's less desirable moments but they are far, few and in between. I am happy with where I'm at in my life right now and that's all that matters.

So I am sitting here while Richard does a breathing treatment. I am a little worried about him because his lips are really dark and so are his nail beds. But he's doing a treatment to see if it helps. It takes a couple of days for his breathing to get better after he finishes a week of Chemo. It makes me nervous when his breathing gives him these fits. He goes to Pulmonary Clinic on Thursday and he is going to talk to the Doctor about possibly getting some Oxygen for here at the house that he can use on an as needed basis. Guess we'll see how that goes. it all depends on what his Sat's are. I'm not really sure how low they have to be before they will consider it. But he gets so short of breath just walking a few steps and coughing is terrible. Sometimes he coughs so hard he feels like he is going to pass out. Sometimes I just feel helpless.

Seems like my blogging addiction has rubbed off on my very loving husband he has created his own. So for those of you are interested in the other half of this story you can check it out. http://www.richardslongjourney.blogspot.com He is definitely getting the hang of the blog world.

Listening to the humming of Richard's nebulizer is making me sleepy. He is exhausted as well. It's the little things that wear him out. He's almost through and I am going to bed. Be blessed!

This is it

Yep that is Richard's Chemo pill holder. It's the last day. One dose this morning and one this evening and he is through for now of course. All I can say is...

Yay! Whoo Hoo! Yipeeeeee!

He hasn't felt good at all this weekend. He has slept and slept some more. He is having a hard time breathing he feels like his lungs are more restricted than normal. He gets winded just having a regular conversation. Oh I am so very glad today is the last day.

Now we just wait. June 9th is the tell all day. 2 weeks from today. The day that we find out if all this has been worth it. If it has worked. If it hasn't worked. If the tumors are slowing down. If they have shrunk any at all. If they are continuing to grow despite all the Chemo. What will we do then. I don't know. This is pretty much our last stitch effort to try to slow the progression of this disease. Of course there are other drugs that Richard can do but I don't know where he stands as far as doing them. We have talked about it to some degree but it is his decision as to what he thinks his body can handle and if he feels like it's a good thing to do. Seems like we have become experts at this whole waiting game. We are Pro's I tell ya. Although my lack of patience leaves a little something to be desired. But I'm trying to be better about that.

The boys are doing good. They are certainly enjoying being out of school. Staying up late and sleeping late they are loving it. And I have to admit it makes me feel better knowing that they are home with Richard and he's not here by himself. And I want them to remember these days with their Daddy. They are going to be very special and something they can look back on. I am thankful for these days. Family time around here has taken on a whole new meaning.

Well I guess I better go get my ribs on so they can par boil before we grill 'em up. Yep we're doing the Memorial Day BBQ since the hubby doesn't feel well. Some ribs, potato salad and I'm not real sure what else But I promise it will be super yummy. Hope all you guys have a Happy Memorial Day. And be sure to give Thanks to the Troops.

Puppy Love!

Let me just say that I am absolutely in-love. Dixie had her puppies last night and they have already stole my heart. Five little boys and three sweet little girls. They are just precious and Dixie is a great Mom.

This is my favorite little girl.

Puppy Pile!

Last week Day 3

Well Richard has been doing fairly well with this week's Chemo. But all good things must come to an end. He is not feeling so great this evening and you can tell it. Only 4 days left.

Maybe we should do that whole Desert for dinner thing that my friend Susie is always telling me about. Just to celebrate the completion. June 9th can't get here quick enough. Although I am scared that the Chemo may have been a waste of our time and I don't know if I am ready to hear that. But I am a need to know person. I have no patience and waiting really gets on my nerves. Richard always says he doesn't know how I managed to stay pregnant for 9 months with my lack of patience. Then again neither do I.

I pray that the Doctor will say that the Chemo has worked and the tumors show some shrinkage. I have never been known as an optimistic type of person. I am definately the realist and I don't see any point in sugar coating things. I don't like false hope. I already know that the only thing the Chemo is going to do if it works is just buy us more time. I treasure everyday now. I try not to think to much about tomorrow. I strictly live in the now.

It's like vacation. I am trying so hard to plan our vacation which will be in July. But I can't do to much planning in advance because what if Richard isn't feeling up to par or what if the Doctor doesn't think he should travel. Right now we are pretty much standing on the fence. We are going to try to go to California to see Richard's family and to meet the ones we have yet to meet. (more on this later.) But we have to make sure he can fly, also about the difference in elevation, and we have to figure out what to do about all his meds.And of course my worst fear is getting out there and him taking a turn for the worse and us being stranded there. Not saying that, that would be a bad thing. But all of Richard's doctors are here and they know his case. Do you see my dilemma? Maybe I just think way to much. If we can't make it there we have been talking about maybe going to see the Big Mouse. It's one or the other. And whichever one we don't go to this time around we will be taking another vacation in the fall to that place. It basically all depends on our finances and Richard's health as to where and if we are able to take any sort of vacation. We just can't plan very far in advance we have to just wait and see. And boy is that way to familiar for us.

I am glad tomorrow is Friday and it is the start of another 3 day weekend. Don't really know what our plans are at this point for the holiday just depends on how Richard is feeling. Ok so I'm off to try and get some sleep which is something that doesn't come easy for me anymore either.

Once again thanks so much for your prayers. I know God hears them because otherwise I wouldn't have the strength to get through. God Bless!

Mysterious Candy

Ok so let me tell ya about my two mischievous boys. My Mother-in-Law made me this really cute candy dish thing for Mother's Day and it was filled with all kinds of chocolate goodness. Well one day last week I noticed that it was looking a little low. I just assumed that it was Richard's Chemo sweet tooth again. Well this evening I went to grab a piece and it was completely empty. nothing not even a bite.

So I asked my loving hubby about it. And he says that he noticed it was empty yesterday. Well there is only 4 of us that live in this house. So I questioned the boys about it. their response was No Ma'am we didn't eat any except for one piece. Ok so this is definitely amazing disappearing candy. WOW! So after the boys left for Church I decided to do some investigating. First I went to Calob's room. Nothing... then I made my way down to Jacob's room. There on the floor I seen a couple of pieces of paper which happened to be from my chocolate. When I bent down to pick them up I noticed that the pocket on the video chair was bulging and what to my surprise did I see. Yep you guessed it a bunch of little shiny pieces of foil. So as any Mother would do. I brought the chair in the dining room and hid it.

Both of the boys have one of these chairs and they are both kept in Jacob's room since that's where the Wii is. So I couldn't really blame anyone.

So when they got home I asked Jacob do you want to really tell me what happened to the candy. Because I now have evidence to prove that one of you has been sneaking and eating it. Jacob's response was Mom I had 4 pieces not 1 like I told you. I'm sorry Mom I will buy you a whole big bag of candy with my 5 dollars. And then I said it's not the candy I care about it's the fact that you lied to me. Your punishment for lying is to go clean up your room (which wasn't all that bad to begin with) and then it's bed time. He gave me a hug and kiss told me he was sorry and off he went.

Now Calob's turn. Still not knowing the evidence I have he looks a little nervous.
me: Calob would you like to tell Mom what happened with the Candy?
Calob: No ma'am I only had 1 piece.
me: Really? Are you sure? because if Jacob only had 4 and you only had 1 then there should be a lot of candy left in my bowl because I have only had a couple and so has Daddy.
Calob still insisting that he has only had one. So I pulled out the chair and then...
Calob: (looking really sad with those blue puppy dog eyes that are tear filled) I've been getting it Mom when Dad has been outside or sleeping I've been sneaking it to the room.
me: Go clean you room and when you're done brush your teeth and go to bed. And no candy for at least a month you have had enough to last at least that long.
Calob: hugs and kisses and tears and I'm sorry Mom.

Now why they chose to lie about Candy of all things I will never know. But they now have learned that Mom is no dummy and I will investigate if need be. I have pulled way to many stunts on my parents in the 28 years of my life. And I know all the tricks of the trade. All they had to do was ask and I would have given it to them anyway. Why do kids choose the hard way all the time. Anyway now we know why Calob hasn't been eating lunch or dinner. He's been full from all the chocolate goodness.


On a side note. I have now learned to open mouth insert foot. I was so sure that David A. was going to win Idol tonight. But obviously I was wrong. I like Cook, I just thought David A. was a shoe in. I'm sure we will be hearing lots from the both of them regardless who the winner is.

Richard is still doing pretty good. A little bit more breathing treatments than normal but he is thinking once he finishes up this last week of Chemo that he is going to need to go in the hospital for a CF tune-up. And I totally agree. He's been our for going on 6 months so it is about that time.

For Amy

A couple of weeks ago or maybe longer. (I have no concept of time obviously) You had posted a blog at either Baked Alaska or Occho Grosso (not sure which sorry) that had to do with Strawberries. And one of the things you mentioned was is there such a thing as Strawberry Bread. Well yes, yes there is. I have made this recipe several times and it always gets rave reviews. So here it is and when you make it let me know what you think.

Strawberry Bread

3 cups all-purpose flour

2 cups sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

4 large eggs, beaten

1 1/2 cups vegetable oil

3 cups Strawberries

1 cup pecans, chopped (optional)

Grease and flour 2 9x5 inch loaf pans. Preheat oven to 350

Combine first 5 ingredients in large bowl. Whisk to blend. Whisk together eggs and oil in another bowl add strawberries and pecans. Add straberry mixture to flour mixture and stir just until dry ingredients are moistened. Pour batter into pans. Bake until toothpick inserted near center comes out clean abdout 1 hour. Let cool in pans for 15 minutes and remove. ENJOY!

Now on to other blog news. Not to much happening here on the home front. Richard is hanging in there and holding his own. I came home from work to the sounds of laughter coming from Jacob's room all three of my fellas were in the floor playing Mario Cart on the Wii. I love the sound of my guys having a good time. They are my heart. And I just have to say YAY tomorrow is Hump Day. Only 3 more days until a 3 day weekend. Whoo Hoo!

Just lunch

Well today was the last day of infusion for Richard. Now he starts the last 7 days of Chemo. The last 5 weeks seem to have just flown by. I am glad for this but in a way I'm not. I want it to slowly pass so I can cherish and remember everything.

After Richard finished his infusion treatment he came and met me and we went to lunch. I love having little dates with him even if it is just lunch. We talked about some things that we haven't really discussed before. For example we both know that we need to go make some pre funeral arrangements. Not because Richard is going to die tomorrow (Lord willing) but because since he has CF he has no life insurance and this is something that we really need to go ahead and get out of the way so when the time comes we won't be caught off guard. No this is not something I want to do. But it does have to be done none the less.

Also we talked about the actual dying part. Richard feels like once the Cancer takes over and he is no longer able to be active that then is when his CF is going to really kick in and ultimately kill him. I mean all of this over some chips and salsa at the Mexican place.

Ultimately I have discovered that I hate Cancer. I know that we are not supposed to have hate in our hearts but there are some things you can't help but. Richard and I were talking about how we have adjusted as a family to CF. The 14 day hospital admission, the lunches, dinners and homework in the hospital to try and have some sort of normalcy when are lives become disrupted by lung infections. The equipment in the house like all the medications, a vest, nebulizer machines, and spit cups. We have all adjusted to CF. But Cancer. How do you adjust to knowing that your husband, your children's Daddy is dying? I, we can't adjust to this but we have learned to accept it. Whatever happens we believe that it is God's will and his plan for Richard and our lives. I have learned to talk about death. I am of course, frightened of what the future holds but God supplies my needs with a peace that only he can give. Our Faith is the tie that binds.

Pretty good day!

Today has been a very good day at our house.

First thing this morning we had Sunday School here at the house. Thanks to Ken and our Class for that. It was awesome having them all here with us studying God's word. We have pretty much had a very lazy day for the most part. Richard is trying to get plenty of rest in and just take it easy before he starts back up on Chemo tomorrow. But that's Ok. ya know why?

BECAUSE IT"S THE LAST WEEK!

These past 5 weeks have been really hard on him. And I am so glad to see the Chemo finally coming to an end. But we don't know if it has even worked or not. We pray that it has and when they do the scan June 9th that it will show that it has indeed done some good. If it has the treatments may continue but we aren't sure about any of that yet. Richard has said that once he finishes this week it will probably be time for him to go in for another routine round of antibiotics to treat his CF. He has done exceptionally well considering. This will be his first time in 5 months when he was in for 24 days. I am just so very thankful that he has been able to make it this far with the Chemo. His strength amazes me. Somedays I know he doesn't want to do it anymore and he just wants to throw in the towel. But he just keeps going instead.

I hope you all have had a great weekend as well. I know my friend April did since she got married yesterday. Congratulations April and D. Much love to you guys for a very great future together.

Well apparently my Blog has some followers. My sister-in-law Renee in California called today and had to make sure that I knew I haven't posted anything on my Blog. So as promised I am now posting. Love ya Renee!

Not much has been happening around these parts. For the most part Richard has been feeling fairly well. He has had a more frequent cough and is still short of breath. But that is to be expected.

Today has been a very good day. I was off work, three day weekend WHOO HOO! The boys had their end of the year awards ceremony at School today. They both did exceptionally well. Both of them received the A honor roll certificate for the year. And Jacob received a medal since he is in the 5th grade and this is his last year of Elementary. Jacob also received the Gold Presidential Scholars Award signed by George W. Bush himself and another medal. Yep their smart alright. Richard and I couldn't be prouder parents. We have some of the most amazing boys ever. Hmmmmm... Don't know where they could have gotten that from:-)

The other evening our friend Kimberlee came and took some recent pics all in Black and White. Hence the new title picture. Cute huh? So I thought I would share some more with you guys. So here ya go.

Yes we are a little crazy. I love him so much.

My three handsome fellasMe and the boys. And when you have two crazy parents you definately get two crazy kids. :-P

Hope you enjoy.

Don't Waste Your Cancer!

This was referred to me. And I think it is beautifully written. So I have chosen to post this because I don't want Richard's Cancer to be wasted and neither does he. I hope you read it with an open heart and that you realize that no matter what you are faced with don't waste it use it.

Thursday, February 16, 2006
Don't Waste Your Cancer
by John Piper

February 15, 2006 I write this on the eve of prostate surgery. I believe in God’s power to heal—by miracle and by medicine. I believe it is right and good to pray for both kinds of healing. Cancer is not wasted when it is healed by God. He gets the glory and that is why cancer exists. So not to pray for healing may waste your cancer. But healing is not God’s plan for everyone. And there are many other ways to waste your cancer. I am praying for myself and for you that we will not waste this pain.

1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.

It will not do to say that God only uses our cancer but does not design it. What God permits, he permits for a reason. And that reason is his design. If God foresees molecular developments becoming cancer, he can stop it or not. If he does not, he has a purpose. Since he is infinitely wise, it is right to call this purpose a design. Satan is real and causes many pleasures and pains. But he is not ultimate. So when he strikes Job with boils (Job 2:7), Job attributes it ultimately to God (2:10) and the inspired writer agrees: “They . . . comforted him for all the evil that the Lord had brought upon him” (Job 42:11). If you don’t believe your cancer is designed for you by God, you will waste it.

2. You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us” (Galatians 3:13). “There is no enchantment against Jacob, no divination against Israel” (Numbers 23:23). “The Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11).

3. You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.

The design of God in your cancer is not to train you in the rationalistic, human calculation of odds. The world gets comfort from their odds. Not Christians. Some count their chariots (percentages of survival) and some count their horses (side effects of treatment), but we trust in the name of the Lord our God (Psalm 20:7). God’s design is clear from 2 Corinthians 1:9, “We felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.” The aim of God in your cancer (among a thousand other good things) is to knock props out from under our hearts so that we rely utterly on him.

4. You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.

We will all die, if Jesus postpones his return. Not to think about what it will be like to leave this life and meet God is folly. Ecclesiastes 7:2 says, “It is better to go to the house of mourning [a funeral] than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart.” How can you lay it to heart if you won’t think about it? Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Numbering your days means thinking about how few there are and that they will end. How will you get a heart of wisdom if you refuse to think about this? What a waste, if we do not think about death.

5. You will waste your cancer if you think that “beating” cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ.

Satan’s and God’s designs in your cancer are not the same. Satan designs to destroy your love for Christ. God designs to deepen your love for Christ. Cancer does not win if you die. It wins if you fail to cherish Christ. God’s design is to wean you off the breast of the world and feast you on the sufficiency of Christ. It is meant to help you say and feel, “I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” And to know that therefore, “To live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 3:8; 1:21).

6. You will waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading about cancer and not enough time reading about God.

It is not wrong to know about cancer. Ignorance is not a virtue. But the lure to know more and more and the lack of zeal to know God more and more is symptomatic of unbelief. Cancer is meant to waken us to the reality of God. It is meant to put feeling and force behind the command, “Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord” (Hosea 6:3). It is meant to waken us to the truth of Daniel 11:32, “The people who know their God shall stand firm and take action.” It is meant to make unshakable, indestructible oak trees out of us: “His delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers” (Psalm 1:2). What a waste of cancer if we read day and night about cancer and not about God.

7. You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.

When Epaphroditus brought the gifts to Paul sent by the Philippian church he became ill and almost died. Paul tells the Philippians, “He has been longing for you all and has been distressed because you heard that he was ill” (Philippians 2:26-27). What an amazing response! It does not say they were distressed that he was ill, but that he was distressed because they heard he was ill. That is the kind of heart God is aiming to create with cancer: a deeply affectionate, caring heart for people. Don’t waste your cancer by retreating into yourself.

8. You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope.

Paul used this phrase in relation to those whose loved ones had died: “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13). There is a grief at death. Even for the believer who dies, there is temporary loss—loss of body, and loss of loved ones here, and loss of earthly ministry. But the grief is different—it is permeated with hope. “We would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:8). Don’t waste your cancer grieving as those who don’t have this hope.

9. You will waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before.

Are your besetting sins as attractive as they were before you had cancer? If so you are wasting your cancer. Cancer is designed to destroy the appetite for sin. Pride, greed, lust, hatred, unforgiveness, impatience, laziness, procrastination—all these are the adversaries that cancer is meant to attack. Don’t just think of battling against cancer. Also think of battling with cancer. All these things are worse enemies than cancer. Don’t waste the power of cancer to crush these foes. Let the presence of eternity make the sins of time look as futile as they really are. “What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?” (Luke 9:25).

10. You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

Christians are never anywhere by divine accident. There are reasons for why we wind up where we do. Consider what Jesus said about painful, unplanned circumstances: “They will lay their hands on you and persecute you, delivering you up to the synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors for my name’s sake. This will be your opportunity to bear witness” (Luke 21:12 -13). So it is with cancer. This will be an opportunity to bear witness. Christ is infinitely worthy. Here is a golden opportunity to show that he is worth more than life. Don’t waste it.Remember you are not left alone. You will have the help you need. “My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).Pastor John

Silver lining?

I have always been somewhat of an optimistic person although with certain things I can be very realistic as well. But I'm sure you have heard the saying "every cloud has a silver lining" basically meaning that you shouldn't feel hopeless because difficult times lead to better days. Really?

Lets' see it's only 8:35 Am and so far this morning... I got up late started ironing my shirt that I wanted to wear and realized it had something on the sleeve. Don't know what it was. The shirt was clean. Then I proceed to do my make up and notice that my face is all broke out. Great and wonderful. So I proceed to make myself look somewhat descent after getting another shirt and using excess amounts of concealer. And then I hear the lovely sound of Richard coughing his head off while doing a breathing treatment and then coming from the bathroom Jacob yells... "Mom Calob is throwing up". Oh great. Calob is white as a ghost burning up with fever and puking his dinner up from last night. Bless is heart. Then he starts to cry and begs me to stay home with him. Well I couldn't. I have only been at my job since November and can't afford to take time off until my 6 month review at the end of this month. So Richard being weak and tired from Chemo and not needing to even be in the same house with a sick child is going to have to tend to him the best he can.

I called Papa Jerry and he was going to come and take Jacob to school so Richard wouldn't have to leave Calob. I pray that Richard doesn't catch it cause he certainly couldn't handle it.

So I ask can you see a silver lining? Surely the rest of the day will be less eventful. Here's hoping your day is going better than mine.

Weekend Over???

I hope everyone had a good weekend. Ours was Ok. Calob had his best little buddy over Friday to stay and that was fun for them. Jacob had a ball game they lost 11 to 10. And Richard hasn't felt real good. HE had a spell Saturday evening with his breathing and we had to call ur local volunteer Fire Dept. to come check his o2 sats and give him some oxygen. But once he got some he started feeling some better. I will be so glad when he is through with this Chemo it is taking such a toll on his poor lungs. I mean he already has to fight to breath regardless due to his CF but the Chemo drugs are making it so much worse. He's off of the drugs this weeks and then the week of the 19th is his final week to take it. I pray it has worked in shrinking the cancer down some. I know that all you guys are praying for us too. We appreciate it greatly.

Now on to more news you may be interested in... I came across a contest this morning. I'm not a real big contest person but I figured why not. It is to win a $100 gift card to Target. And I love Target and could use a $100 to go shopping there. So I enetered.

You should check it out.

And if you don't want to enter you could still leave a comment saying that I referred you to the site. Thanks and Happy entering.

Happy Mother's Day!

Hope that all you Mother's out there have a happy and wonderful day!

Tupperware!

For those of you that may not know yet.

I sell Tupperware. I also work a full-time job as well. But I do the Tupperware thing on the side for some extra income. I am hoping to do a little bit more business to help out with the things that Richard wants to do to make plenty memories for myself and the boys.

So if you or someone you know is interested please take a minute and check out my site. You may find something you just have to have. http://www.my2.tupperware.com/kori

There are alot of great things on sale that make great gifts.Also you can host an online party and invite all of your friends to check it out and you can earn lots of FREE Tupperware.

There is something for everyone...

For the babies in your life...

For the little Girls...

And the little Boys...

Wedding gifts, Housewarming and lots more...

Also don't forget about those leftovers for lunch...
So check it out and see what kind of Goodies you can find.

Weather

Some seriously CRAZY weather has been happening around these Alabama parts today. Had about 4 Tornado warnings where the sirens were blaring and everything. Had some pretty strong winds but nothing to serious.

Richard is feeling about the same today. Just tired and short of breath. He is making a strawberry cake with strawberry icing as I type. Don't know what it is must be the Chemo. But he has a sweet tooth like never before. He has only been on Chemo for 3weeks and this makes the second cake he has made. Just talking about cake makes my hips spread. But oh well it's yummy goodness and I can't wait.

Worked all day nothing too exciting going on there. Went to lunch today wth Christina I always enjoy our talks and walks. She really listens and helps me to try and come up with solutions for all the things that Richard wants to do as far as planning and weighing out our options and priorties. Which right now our only priority is for him to be able to complete the Chemo. So far so good. Praise God!

Helped Calob finally finish up that state report on Georgia that's due tommorow. I mean I don't remember having to do stuff like this in the 3rd grade. He had to have a cover page with the state and the capital had to be marked, drawing of the state bird, tree, flower and flag plus a 2 page report in paragraph form and a reference page. And it had to be all neat and put into one of those clear folder things. I mean this isn't highschool. It's elementary. But anyways it's done. FINALLY!

Haven't seen to much of Jacob Aaron since I been home. He's probably in there drooling over the TV watching Hannah Montana. I can't believe my son actually said she was hot. What? Of course I responded she's not as hot as your momma. And of course he gave me the look. Yeah he has a look. Just like when I tell him that once he starts dating he has to tell the girls he can't kiss them cause all his kisses are for his momma. Yep I totally get the look for this one too. Guess I'm gonna go play the Wii with him and talk about his day.

Also I have been tagged by my sweet friend April but I can not figure out how to put links on my posts. If someone could help a girl out that would be great. Sometimes I'm not so computer literate.

Today..

Today was a pretty good day. No emotional break downs, School was good for the boys and Richard for the most part is still hanging in there. Although today he has been pretty short of breath and not exactly feeling the greatest. He is such a trooper though. He never complains and always has a smile. But his eyes tell on him something terrible. Only 5 more days left of this week for the Chemo then he's off again and can start to feel a little better before starting back again.

Tonight after work we had to go to the visitation of one of the most remarkable people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Her name is Mozzie and she passed away on Monday. Oh how I love and admire this woman for her amazing strength that she had. You see Mozzie has 4 children and two of them had Cystic Fibrosis. They both went through trasplant but later passed due to other complications. And Max which was Mozzie's husband had several health problems himself but she stayed right there taking care of her children and her husband for years and years. Her two children that suffered from CF and her husband all died just within a couple of years of each other. And every time we would go and give our support to the family that Richard has known and loved for at least 25 years now. Everytime we would watch as a little piece of Mozzie left with them. Well now they are all together once again rejoicing and loving each other. Although I am very sad for her passing I know that she is where she needs to be. Mozzie I love you and I will miss your stories about Richard, Jimmy and Kellie and all the crazy things they used to do. You will be deeply missed but you will always hold a place in our hearts. I love you.

Terrible Tuesday

Needless to say that you can tell fromthe title that Tuesday was no better. Surely Wednesday will be the day. After all it is Hump Day! I am ready, so ready for the weekend.

I don't even know where to start. Today was just a bad day all the way around.

I got up late this morning because like I have stated many times before I don't sleep much anymore if at all. So when I am sleeping I don't want to get up. So I was running late all morning trying to figure out what to wear, fix my hair, do my makeup all that good stuff. I clocked in at work at exactly 7:34. Thank goodness for that 5 minute window. Phew that was to close for comfort.

Then I let my mind and emotions get the best of me. I can go days without crying and then all of it sudden it's like I get hit all at once. I got a couple of emails first thing this morning just checking on us. And as I write back I just become overwhelmed with emotion. Yes, I know that Richard is not exactly knocking on death's door but the fact is I and my children as well as Richard himself have to live these days knowing that there is terminal Cancer growing inside of him and ultimately he is dying. There is No cure for Stage 4 Recurrent Mestastsized Colon Cancer only treatment and drugs to keep him comfortable there is also No cure for Cystic Fibrosis people with this disease in the later stage are just kept comfortable as well. Richard has not reached this point yet with his CF.

But the truth is that my husband is dying, he's dying. And he has chosen to suffer through these Chemo treatments for us. To have one more day longer than what the Doctor has predicted just one more day as a family. I am so incredibly head over heels in love with this man I literally can not see straight. I catch myself so many times as I lay awake in the middle of the night looking at him, trying to memorize every hair upon his head, every facial feature. I don't want to forget. God please don't let me forget. I want to remeber his voice when he tells me he loves me, when he calls my name, the way he talks to the boys and comforts them when they are upset, his laugh, smile and most of all his spirit. God please don't let me forget.

Calob also had a bad day at School today he just started crying in the middle of class. We live in a very small town and sometimes questions that are meant to make you feel better tend to be very much overwhelming even with a 9 year old. When I first became a Mother I decided right then that I would always be open and honest with my children. I always have if I tell them I'm going to do something I want them to know it's going to get done. When Richard was diagnosed the first time we didn't tell the boys right away. Everything happened so fast we found out on a Thursday that he had Cancer on Friday they did surgery and told us it was in the lymphnodes and appeared to be Stage 3. So a wonderful friend of ours Renae (I love you) took the boys to her house for almost 2 weeks until we could tell them. We kept all of this from them until we felt it was the right time. Richard wanted to be home from the hospital so he could be here to tell them. So when they came home and we had the talk they were so angry and hurt they felt like we and everyone else had lied to them. And in a way I suppose we had. But right there and then we promised never again no matter how bad the truth may hurt never again. And now as I sit here worrying about my sweet baby boy crying at school and knowing that his heart is breaking from not knowing what the future holds... I am questioning our promise. Should I be? Is it better for them to not know? I still don't think so. Honesty is the best policy.

I worry so much about the boys. I was nine when my Mother died in a tragic car accident. And to be honest I don't remember much. I know that she had hair that when the sun shined on it that it was the color of a brand new penny. And I remember her hands because I see them when I look at my own. Same long, crooked, freckled fingers. I want my boys to remeber so much more. I don't ever want them to forget anything because one day I may need them to help me remember. When I'm old and my hair is gray I will need them to not let me forget.

I don't mean to sound whiny nor do I mean to throw a pity party. But I hope now some of you will see what my struggles and weaknesses are.

I really do think that we should all live like we are dying because the truth is we all are just some sooner than others. Best said by my sweet Jacob so very wise at the ripe age of 11.

Manic Monday

We all had a pretty good weekend. Crawfish Boil was Friday night and then yesterday we went to Homestead Hollow. I swear I think I could live there. It was a perfectly beautiful day to spend in the great Alabama outdoors wanted to do something before Richard started feeling bad again and we can't do anything.

So here we are on Monday. Richard is over at the Oncology Lab getting an infusion. This is his on week. So I am trying to prepare myself for the days to come. He always feels so bad and has the hardest time with his breathing. Although I know I have to be thankful for the good weeks which most of this past week has been a great week. I will be so glad when this is over and we will find out if it worked or not. We know that the Chemo is not gonna cure him but if it works it will buy us some more time together. All in all as far as his CF goes he has been feeling pretty good. Although I have noticed that he has had a more frequent productive cough here lately. He has been out of the hospital since December so 5 months is pretty good compared to him going in every 2 to 3 months. So I am thinking there is probably a hospital admission in our near future.

The boys are doing great as usual. School is almost over only a couple of weeks left and boy are they excited. Jacob had a field trip today that he has been talking about forever. This is his last year at the Elementary School so this is like a Senior Trip for them I suppose. Richard was supposed to go with him but because of his treatment he was unable to. But our friend Kimberlee has decided to go with him. I'm sure they will have a great time. I had to go buy a disposable camera for Jacob to take so that he could take lots of pictures with his friends. No way was I gonna let him take my digital camera.

Calob is doing fine. He is counting down the days till School is out. He has a report due on Friday on the State of Georgia that he has known about for 2 weeks and I just found out about it Saturday. I don't know what I'm going to do with that boy. He always waits till the last minute to do anything. So now we have to scramble to get things done. Oh the excitement.

I am at work and so ready for this Monday to be over and for Tuesday to roll on here. Surely it's gonna be a less hectic day.

Had a blast!

We had a great time at the Crawfish Boil last night. Richard, I and the boys and my Best Friend Linda and her 3 all went. It was a good time to get out of the house. Here are some pics from the night.

Boo, Squash and Calob got to hang with Mario!

And boy did these kiddos eat the junk.

Squash has a Pizza face! He is so stinking cute.

The biggest crawfish I have ever seen.

Richard and I always have such a great time making more memories.

We loved watching the kids dance.

Squash and Linda. There are so many days when I don't know what I would do without her. She is the greatest friend ever. We have laughed, cried and then laughed some more so many times.

And the best part of the night FUNNEL CAKE!!!!!

Schaeffer Crawfish Boil!

So I have scored 2 VIP tickets to the Crawfish boil tonight. I love my co-worker. She is the greatest!

I am so excited.

Mmmmmm... Crawfish and 3 Doors Down. Does it get any better? Why yes, yes it does.

This year is going to be the best Schaeffer Eye Center Crawfish Boil ever! The two-day festival features over 15,000 pounds of crawfish delivered fresh from Louisiana and attracts more than 40,000 fans. The 2008 lineup includes acts like Fergie, 3 Doors Down, Gavin DeGraw and a host of others.

Yay! Now I can't wait to get off work. Only a few more minutes. I have also scored mega cool Mom points. Oh yeah Do a happy dance!

Are you AWARE?

Capitol Hill has declared May "National Cystic Fibrosis Awareness Month"!

I am so excited about this. And I just know you are too. At least one person a day dies from CF. More people need to be aware of this disease that to date still does not have a cure. It is important that more people know that this disease affects thousands of people all over the world.

The average lifespan for a person with Cystic Fibrosis is 36. My husband will be 46 in July and everyday with this disease gets a little harder for him.

But with your help and the help of others we can make people AWARE! We can make a Difference.

Please consider making a donation to the CF Foundation and help in the efforts of one day making CF stand for Cure Found!

http://www.cff.org/great_strides/korimcculley

Thursday already?

I really can't believe how fast this week has gone by. Wow! Not that I'm complaining.

Today has been a good day for Richard. He is starting to feel like his old self again. Which I am very glad of. Just in time to start back on the Chemo on Monday. At least he is having some good days before starting it again. I had a pretty good day at work. Which was most excellent. And the boys both had good days at school. Boy does that make me the happy Mom. Jacob's arm is feeling a little better. But still no ball games. We will still be going to root the team on though.

Did I mention that we got a new dog. Oh yeah we got a dog from the neighbor that he was just unable to take care of. Her name is Dixie (fitting right?) and she is a Pit Bulldog. Ok do not start commenting me on the dangers of this breed. Trust me I know and I have read it all. She is only 8 months and she has never been used for fighting. She is super gentle and sweet. I will post pics of her soon. Of course our 2 Boston Terriers Maxx and Gracie are not exactly taking to her. But I guess I wouldn't be either considering that there is a dog that could eat them as a lite snack. It's just gonna take some time at least they have finally quit barking at each other. That's making some progress. Richard is going to take Dixie to the Vet tommorow to get all her shots and to check on the puppies. Yes I said puppies. She is pregnant by a German Shepherd. Don't exactly know what to expect them to look like but I'm sure they will be interesting looking to say the least.

Well I am going to play some Guitar Hero III and get my rock on. I'm telling you if you don't have it you should get it. It is a great game for some serious stress relief. And don't forget it's almost TGIF! Whoo Hoo