Strength?

Since I first started this blog page a few weeks ago I have met some amazing people. Some of which I probably wouldn't have come to know otherwise.

One of these people is Krissy. She is definitely the FireCracker. But in her latest post she refers to me as being stronger than strong. I have pondered this since reading it yesterday.

Am I really as strong as I should be? Am I as strong as I could be? I would like to think so. In reality the truth is No, I am not strong.

But (thank God for the Buts) with God and his amazing love for me I have the strength to deal with whatever is thrown my way. It is God that continues to hear my prayers for peace, strength and one more day. He continues to carry me through my heartache. He continues to bless me and my family each and everyday. He continues to give me that extra push to get out of bed when all I want to do is hide under the covers. He continues to be the calm during the storm. He continues to be my strength because I am so very weak and weary.

I have more than had my moments where at times I find myself angry at God. He can fix this. Why doesn't he? Because he's God and he doesn't have to. And that's Ok with me. He has never left me I have been one to turn on him during these trying times. But he remains ever present by my side. And for this I am once again Thankful.

Krissy thank you so very much for the wonderful compliment and for making me realize that I am a little stronger than I thought I was. I am truly humbled.

What a day

So my plan was to get off work and come home and have a nice relaxing evening. But an hour into it I realized this was not going to happen.

Apparently last night Jacob Aaron hurt his arm during the baseball game. (they won 8 to 6) After the game was over he mentioned having some numbness in his fingers but he's tough and kind of played it off as no big deal. Well today at school he went to the nurse not once but twice. He didn't even bother to mention this to us before Richard took him to practice tonight. While at the ballpark he did however mention his arm pain to his coach but continued to practice anyway. However when he got home he was singing a different tune. Richard and I both looked at it. Elbow is bruised and swollen so we made the decision for me to take him on to the ER. Richard couldn't go with us due to him being on the Chemo and his immune system being low. Can't take any chances. Since this is his dominant hand (he's a lefty) and the same one he broke while jumping on the bed at the age of 4 better go get it checked just to make sure. Well 3 hours later we are home and I am proud to say it's not broken. They thought at first he may have a fracture but it turned out to just be some thickening of the growth plate. He has however overextended his elbow, The doc wrapped it in a bandage just for some added support and cushioning. We have to ice it down 4 times for 20 minutes within the next 24 hours. No throwing for 2 weeks (this just about killed him) and only light activity. If it doesn't improve within this time we have to go see the Orthopedic doc. So the relaxing night I had hoped for has once again taken a back seat. Oh well there is always tomorrow.

But before I close this blog let me do what I originally intended to do. Post some pics of the new Pulmonary Unit at our hospital. The other unit was in an older part of the hospital and wasn't very desirable. But the unit has been moved to a newer part and it has been completely renovated. now maybe it will be more comfortable for Richard and the other Cystic Fibrosis patients that have to stay at least 14 days at a time.

This is the new SPACIOUS rooms. And new thicker mattresses.






The new Nurses station is awesome.





The new comfy chairs for visitors.



And the place where the new flat screen tv's are going as well as DVD players in every room. Yay the boys are so excited about the DVD players.






There is a desk that is in every patients room.





Next there is the intermediate care unit. All the rooms have glass fronts so the nurses can keep an eye on them.





And then last but not least is the beautiful hallway. It looks like hardwood, feels like hardwood. Is it hardwood floors? Nope it's vinyl. And it is gorgeous.






Well I did what I set out to do and that was give you guys a preview of the unit. The pics don't really do it justice but it is beautiful and we are so excited about the change.

So...

I haven't blogged in a few days due to the fact that Richard hasn't felt the best.

Today is the last day on his first week of Chemo. Then he gets a week off before he starts again. He has been having a lot of trouble breathing as well as some left lobe pain. He thinks that the pain he's experiencing is just from a mucus plug. Also he has been experiencing some difficulty keeping his body temperature regulated. One minute he is burning up and then the next he is freezing. He is so tired and has very little energy to do to much of anything. He still seems to have a pretty good appetite though. Which I'm thankful for. He is trying very hard to keep his weight up by drinking high calorie scandi shakes. So far this seems to be working.

You can just look at him and tell he doesn't feel good. I hate this. But only 5 more weeks. If he can just tolerate it for 5 more weeks. I know that it's not guaranteed that this Chemo is even going to work. But we pray it will.

All in all this weekend was not the best to be told. We did however manage to go to a Baseball game Saturday Night. It was to benefit the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. We had a lot of fun. It was a good Saturday night out with family and friends. The Birmingham Barons beat the Montgomery Biscuits 8 - 2. Speaking of Baseball Jacob's team won their game Friday night 16 - 1. The team was thrilled of course. He has another game tonight we'll see how they do.

Thanks to everyone for your continued support and prayers for our family. You have no idea how much it means to me, to us. I had no idea that my blog would be viewed as much as it has. Almost 500 hits in just a matter of a couple of weeks. But the more people that view it the more people are praying. And we need lots of prayers.

Friday!

So it is the last day of the work week. Yay! And I ws sitting here at my desk and reading through my previous posts. And you know they all seem to be a little depressing. I am so not a depressed person. So since it is after all Friday I thought I would post something funny to make me and maybe quite possibly you laugh. So here goes...

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2.. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "bribery"

7.. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8 Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14.. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends "You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood."

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

If you happen to try any of the above make sure you let me know how it turns out.

The end of day 3

Well it's the end of day 3 for Richard's chemo. Things have for the most part been fine. Although I think the hand and foot syndrome has started his knuckles and fingers are really red almost purplish like. And there is these little white specks everywhere. He said they tingle a little. Hmmmm... is this the start of side effects? Probably so the Doc said it would take a few days. I suppose 3 counts as a few.

Last night he was having some issues with his body temperature. First he was burning up so he turned on the AC then within like 2 minutes he was freezing, shivering and asking for a blanket. But he wasn't running any fever. We checked it only 98.9. So not to sure about that one. All in all so far it hasn't been very bad. Now if we can continue this for the next 5 weeks will be the thing. I am so hoping, praying, begging that with him doing one week on and one week off the drugs that it will help.

Tomorrow is Friday Whoo Hoo. I am so excited. This week has been really tiresome. I don't know why maybe just for the simple fact that I couldn't even begin to tell you when the last time I had a GOOD night's sleep was. If it wasn't for the sleeping medicine making me feel even more terrible I would take that. But no thanks I feel bad enough as it is. Yeah, yeah I know poor pitiful me. Ok so Not really.

And then there is something I have had on my mind for awhile. There is a certain person who shall remain anonymous that has been in a situation like mine. Just without the CF part and the type of cancer it is. I want really bad to talk to this person. But I don't know if I want answers to the questions I have. I have nothing but the up most respect and Godly love for this person but maybe some things are better left unsaid. But then again I feel like I need someone that just knows and totally understands my dilemma and where I'm coming from. I want someone to say it SUCKS! Someone to cry with me not for me. Am I making any sense here? I couldn't even hardly utter the words to ask for the phone number (how am I ever going to carry on a conversation with said person?) then of course I became an upset, crying person that couldn't even speak. I mean what is up with that? It's like my emotions are just absolutely uncontrollable. I know that whole thing about some days will be better than others. But come on I need a break... from myself. No maybe just a vacation. Oooooo the beach would be awesome. Maybe we'll see.

Maybe I just think too much. That is so possible. :-)

Photo Contest

So as I was browsing around blogs this morning I come across one that I found to be pretty interesting. It is http://www.arewethereyetmom.com/ and they are holding a photo contest. You should totally check it out. Well most people know that I have this picture of my two boys that I just love. So I thought why not?

So here is my interpretation on Brotherly Love!

Week 1 Day 1

Well day one is pratically over and no crazy stuff has happened he didn't turn bright purple or anything once he took the pills. haha. Richard feels pretty good for the most part all except for a little upset stomach.Now we know that this is just the first day and it will take a couple of days before the Chemo drugs get into his system. But so far so good. You have to stay optimistic. Right? Please keep praying for us cause every day he can withstand the Chemo that's another day he is adding to our time together.

The boys are doing good Jacob had a game last night. His team lost. :-( But it was a very good game. The pitcher on the other team could throw a ball so fast you wouldn't believe. It was unreal. Calob is doing good as well. He is still a little jokester.

And me well I take it as it comes. Some days are better than others for all of us. And I have to say today has been a very good day. :-P

Thanks Judy!

My great and wonderful friend Judy sent this to me. And I just thought it was awesome. And I wanted to share it with all you Blog readers out there. Hope you like it too. God Bless!

"My Wish for You"

I wish for you...

Comfort on difficult days

Smiles when sadness intrudes

Rainbows to follow the clouds

Laughter to kiss your lips

Sunsets to warm your heart

Gentle hugs when spirits sag

Friendships to brighten your being

Beauty for your eyes to see

Confidence for when you doubt

Faith so that you can believe

Courage to know yourself

Patience to accept the truth

And love to complete your life.

I asked the Lord to bless you As I prayed for you today

To guide you and protect you As you go along your way.

His love is always with you His promises are true

No matter what the tribulation You know He will see us through

So when the road you're traveling on Seems difficult at best

Give your problems to the Lord And He will do the rest.

Good Times!

What a great weekend we have had. We wanted to do something to take our minds off of everything going on. And for the most part that is what we done. Plus not knowing how Richard is going to handle the Chemo we may not be getting out much once he starts tomorrow.

Saturday we went to one of our State Parks and had a wonderful time. The weather has been unbelievably nice. We just walked and talked and enjoyed ourselves.

So then today... we went to Church this morning. Boy did we have a great service. The guest Preacher we had preached out of Acts 4 about the crippled man at the temple. And how John and Peter healed him in the name of Jesus. Oh what a sweet, sweet name that is. Jesus! Such a great lesson to learn. No matter what life hands us we all need to just give it to Jesus. Just call on him and let him deal with our problems. I know personally that this is not an easy thing to do. But we aren't really the ones in control to begin with.

God has a plan and it is so much bigger than the one we have for ourselves.

After Church it was my Father-in-Law's Birthday shindig. Loads of fun, family and good food. I'm talking salad, lasagna, garlic bread, peach cobbler and strawberry shortcake. Yum~O! My Mother-in-Law sure can cook some good food.

Now I'm full and feeling like a nap. I have not had a good nights sleep in the past several weeks since all this new stuff first started. So maybe I should take advantage of my full tummy and go take a little siesta.

Thankful (repost)

So today is a new day. We are all adjusting to the news. It is almost surreal. The boys continue going to school and I to work. And Richard is just being Richard and trying to stay busy at home. Guess it all boils down to the fact that Yes, life does go on. It doesn't stop or even given us so much as a chance to catch our breaths and recover from this news. It just keeps on going. And for this I am thankful. I had someone ask me "How can you not be mad at God? Richard and your family doesn't deserve this." My reply was only this... No One deserves this. It is not a choice that we get to make. We didn't draw straws or play one potato, two potato. It just happens. And for everything that happens God, My Wonderful, Loving, Never leaving nor Forsaking God has a reason and a purpose for everything he lays upon us. I don't blame Him if anything it makes me love Him so much more. Only He knows the plans he has in store for us. Yes it's hard and yes my heart is breaking for what the days to come holds for us. But I am a mere sheep that will continue to follow my Shephard. ~Amen~

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

(New International Version)
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Love a little longer

Richard and I first met in September of 2000 in Jacksonville Florida. He was 38 and I was 20. We became fast friends and I don't think either of us expected it to turn into much more than that at the time.

From the very beginning Richard had told me he had Cystic Fibrosis. Of course I didn't have a clue as to what that was. But I was intrigued none the less. So over the course of a couple of weeks I think we had met up about four times. We just talked about life and things in general. He had told me that he was getting sick and that he needed to go in the hospital and that he was going to move back to Alabama. He felt like he wasn't receiving the proper medical care in Florida and thought that things would be better for him if he moved back to his hometown.

So towards the end of September he left... and I missed him terribly. We continued to talk on the phone and we wrote several letters to each other over the course of a month. Then one day during one of our telephone conversations he told me that he was coming back to Florida to get the rest of his things. He then asked if the boys and I would consider coming back to Alabama to live with him. I had to have time to think about this. I was just getting out of a terrible relationship with the boys dad and I have never really lived that far away from my family and friends. So I decided if I was going to set out on this adventure I needed to do some serious research. So I read every book there was to read on CF to better educate myself and to learn what I was up against. And try to decide if this was the life I wanted my boys and I to live. I knew that I loved Richard but I had never had to deal with anything like this before. And considering Richard's age I knew that he was already on borrowed time. But after some talking and serious thinking I decided why not. Richard promised that if I moved to Alabama and didn't like it that he would take me and the boys back to Florida as soon as possible.

So I packed the little bit of belongings we had and on October 25th at 6 in the morning Richard pulled up in a U-Haul truck and we loaded everything I owned. I was nervous but also very excited. Richard and I were just friends and had never hugged, kissed or anything. But there was definately something special between the two of us. We drove for what seemed like days. But we finally made it here.

After only 2 weeks of us living together on November 6th we got married. I don't think either of us really knew what to expect. But I knew that he is the man of my dreams and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life taking care of him. I am so lucky that Richard picked me to be apart of this life that we share. A love like ours doesn't happen for everybody. I wish it did.

I know that our time is now even more limited by the Cancer. Richard is a fighter and he will fight to the finish. He is a wonderful Dad and the boys love him so much. I am so grateful for the past 7 and 1/2 years they have been the best years of my life. And regardless of how much time we have we will continue to Praise God for allowing us to love Richard just a little longer.

A hundred times

A hundred times since yesterday I have sat here at this same computer and thought about what I should write. Just to write it all down almost seems to make it more real to me than if I didn't. But here goes.

Richard, I and my Mother-In-Law all went to the Oncologist appointment yesterday. We waited for what seemed like forever for the doctor. When he came in he was straight and to the point. Richard has Stage 4 active mestative recurrent colon cancer. Which just means it is outside of where it originally started and it is in the lymph nodes and growing. At first Richard was debating on doing any treatments. But the more the doctor talked the more he had second thoughts. So here is the plan.

Since Richard had such a difficult time the last time he did Chemo we are doing different medicines this time. And praying that it doesn't compromise his health with his Cystic Fibrosis. Richard said he would rather try and fail than to not and then question later wether or not it would have worked. So starting on Monday April 21 Richard will begin Chemo. He will do a week on and a week off for a total of 6 weeks. It is an oral medicine that he will take twice a day and then once a week every other week he will have to come to clinic and get an infusion IV medicine that is a booster to help the main chemo drug work more efficiently. The side effects of these drugs are the same if not worse than the ones he did before.

If Richard can tolerate the treatments and complete them the doctor said that he would have 2 years plus. If he can't tolerate the medicine and quits he is looking at about 11 months to a year. It could be more could be less. We are not the time keepers only God knows how much time any of us have. We have decided to make lots of memories. So the boys can look back on these times and say "Remember when." We are planning a trip to California in the coming months so Richard can see all of his family that lives there. He wants to take the boys to see Mickey Mouse and to just do a lot of camping and fun stuff. So we are going to do as much as we can and enjoy every minute of it.

If Richard finishes the chemo then June 9th will be the tell all day. Richard will go for another CAT scan to see if the Chemo worked and is shrinking the cancer or if it is continuing to grow.

Please continue to pray for our family for peace and understanding. God is in control and we leave it in his hands.

Jacob Aaron...

Thought I would share this story with you while I wait for time to pass.

The other evening while sitting in a drive thru at one of our local restaurants. Our oldest Jacob pipes in from the back seat and says Mom, Dad do you know what my friend said to me at School today? And of course we said"No." Well Jacob says he came up to me and said "So I hear your dad is dying." (Silence fills the car as Richard and I look at each other.) And Jacob proceeds saying well I just told him that from the time we are born we are all dying just some sooner than others. WOW Go Jacob! Of course this brought on tears for myself and Richard. Not sad tears just tears for the simple act of standing up to your friends.

Jacob's philosphy on life however crazy it may sound is right. From the time we are born we are living to die. I have never thought about it that way but how true it is. God allows us to live for whatever length of time until he decides to call us Home to Him. How Great is Our god? Truly Amazing!

Monday is the Day

So on Monday April 14th at 12:45pm we will find out what stage the Cancer is in and how fast it is progressing. I am nervous and really dreading this appointment. I know that no matter what we all will be fine. I still don't know what Richard's decision is when it comes to doing the Chemo. He says it really depends on what Stage it is and how much of a time window there is. We already know that the Cancer is in the Lymph nodes so it is at least a Stage 2 but since it is recurrent colon cancer and it's not in the colon it could possibly be Stage 4. I know that when we faced this same thing in June Richard said that if it was Stage 4 that he wouldn't do any treatments. He hasn't yet said that this time. I know that he has a hard time with the Chemo especially since his CF complicates things even more. Richard is less worried about himself and more worried about the boys and me. That is just him and his way. He is the most caring and loving person I have ever come across. And I am so glad to be called his wife. He is not only my Husband but my Best Friend. Please continue to pray for all of us. God is in control always and we turn it all over to him. For he has a plan.

Book of Jeremiah, Chapter 29 Verse 11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Confirmed

So it has been confirmed. The PET scan revealed that the Cancer is back in full force. Richard will go next week to determine what if any treatments can be done. And he will decide for sure if he wants to do any of them. I love him and stand beside him but it is ultimately his decsion to make. We already know that it can't be surgically removed nor can he have radiation considering where the tumors are. There are 4 of them and they are in the upper right quadrant of the pelvis cavity.
Richard is being his usual self and taking it all in stride. I don't know how he does it. But I guess figuring that I am the basket case one of us has to be the strong one. I think he is more angry than anything at this point. But like he said he didn't need this test to confirm anything he already knew.
The boys are handling it the best they know how. Jacob doesn't mind talking about it and Calob figures if he doesn't talk about it then maybe it will just go away. My heart aches for my boys.
Our extended families seem to be doing alright. It's tough of course but we are all managing. God is still good and he is still in control.
At this point we don't know if doing Chemo is an option since Richard had such a hard time the last time. It is like a war in his body the Cystic Fibrosis fights against the Cancer and so on and so forth. The Oncology team and the Pulmonary team here at our hospital are great and they are really good about communicating with one another when it comes to Richard and about what treatment options are available. But the only thing is you aren't supposed to have any kind of infection while doing Chemo and like many of us know with Cystic Fibrosis there is always some kind of infection that remains in the lungs. Which in turn makes Richard sicker and running fever and then causes a hospital admission which in turn postpones the Chemo treatments. And if you miss so many of those you have to stop and wait and then start all over again. This is not a win, win situation.
We covet your prayers for Richard and our family through these trying times. And God will remain always so good .

Thought I would introduce all of us...

So I figured before I really got started on this blog. That I should introduce all of us. And that way when I start telling my story you will have some inclination of who I'm speaking of. Ok here goes...

First off there's me "Kori." I'm 28 and am originally from Jacksonville, Florida. I'm very outgoing and brutally honest. I serve a God that loves me, attend a Church that prays without ceasing, am married to my soul mate, am a mother to the most awesome boys ever, and I have the most amazing friends anyone could ask for. I believe that we should always smile when passed and love with our whole hearts not half.

Ok next there would be the man that has done nothing over the past 7 years of our marriage but make me happy and proud to be called his Wife "Richard." There has never been any other person I have come across that has the same wonderful spirit about them as Richard. He is a fighter. For the past 45 years of his life he has fought continously against the uncurable disease Cystic Fibrosis. And then in June of 2007 he was diagnosed with Stage 3 Colon Cancer. He had surgery to remove it and did 4 out of 12 Chemo treatments. His body just couldn't take anymore than that. For the most part he is doing better. Being so sick from the Chemo has affected his lung functions and he does get winded pretty easily now. A week ago we found out during a CAT scan that the Cancer is back in the pelvis cavity. We aren't sure yet what kind or if it is spreading at this point. Many more test to come. I'm sure this blog will be my refuge when it comes to the days and months ahead. But during all of this Richard has never lost sight of his Faith. He amazes me with his continued strength. And the Peace that the Lord has given him is an inspiration to others. I love him more than words can express. I would rather have a few years with the man of my dreams than none at all. Being a CFers wife, husband, parent etc takes dedication and love. It is not for the weak nor is it for the lighthearted. God has given us these gifts because we fit the bill so to say.

Next there is "Jacob." He is 11 going on 30. Jacob will start middle school in the fall. He makes straight A's in school. He is very handsome and apparently Mom isn't the only one that thinks so cause the little girls are always calling the house.

Jacob is my tenderhearted always wanting to help child. In 2006 there was a thing on our local news about a girl that was selling lemonade to help in the fight for Childhood Cancer. And my sweet Jacob got the idea that we as a family could do something to help in the fight against Cystic Fibrosis. So I checked into it and that was when I discovered the CF Foundation's Great Strides walk. So I signed us up and last year we raised almost $1500 dollars. This year we are hoping for $2000. We have decided to make it a family tradition. It's alot of fun and a wonderful way to tell Richard's story. Jacob also loves to play baseball. He has been playing since he was 4. And I think it is going to continue to be something he loves to do.

Last but not least there is "Calob" he is the baby and always will be. But don't tell him I said that. Calob is all boy that's for sure. He doesn't mind being dirty and he loves to ride his bike. Although he is extremely accident prone. He has all the scars and battle wounds to prove it. Calob can make anyone laugh when they are sad and he is friend to anyone he meets. Kind of like his Mom I suppose. But he definitely gets his jokes and wit from Richard. They are so much alike sometimes it's scary. Calob and Jacob have a very close relationship one like I have never seen. But as kids they have seen, heard and experienced things that other kids don't know anything about. So I guess they figure they have to stick together.

When Richard is in the hospital they become my little men of the house. They help out around the house making sure that chores are getting done and that I am Ok and not lonely. Calob is always playing some kind of Joke on me to make me laugh and Jacob tells me about all the crazy 5th grade drama going on at school. And when we go to the hospital it's alot like home just not. We play games, watch movies, have dinner together and just take joy in the time we have together. It's funny how close we all are. I guess going through our life we have to stick together.Well that's us in a nut shell. Till next time.

New to Blogging...

So I'm new to this whole blogging thing. But I love to write. So I guess that helps. Over the next few days I will take you back all the way to the beginning when I first met Richard and how we came to be to the here and now.

being married is not an easy task by no means but throw something like CF into the mix and it becomes a whole nother story. Like the saying goes. "If you're not afraid of Commitment... Marry a CFer" Although I and many others like myself wouldn't change a thing. So stay tuned and get to know me and my family.