One year ago today

I can recall everything about June 28th, 2007. Every little detail. Why you ask? Because that is the day our lives took a dramatic turn.

Richard was in the hospital for a Cystic Fibrosis Tune-up. He had been there for a few days already. It was a Thursday and I remember getting up and getting ready for work. (This was when I still worked at the Furniture Store) It was around 8am when I got a call from Richard telling me that he had woke in the middle of the night and started throwing up. He said that they were going to consult with the G.I. doctor's and see if they could figure out what was going on.

Richard had been noticing a hard knot in his stomach after he would eat for a few months now. He had told the Doctor's about this and they just wrote it off as one of the many digestive problems that most CF patients face. Nothing was ever done about up till this point.

The Pulmonary team got in touch with the Gastroenterologist docs and they decided to do a Barium Enema. (yuck I know) So I went on to work after Richard convinced that it was no big deal and he would be fine. I said alright and to work I went.

I tried to stay busy and I kept thinking why hasn't Richard called me yet to let me know what's going on. I called and checked on him once and he told me he would have to call me back the Doctor's had just came in. So ok I sat and waited for him to call. When he did I asked what was going on. And he said when you get off work I want you to go get Sharon (My adopted into the family Mother-In-Law) and come to the hospital. Well duh I knew right then that something was up. So I kept asking him telling him to tell me. His voice started to break and he said"Baby they found something and they are pretty sure it's Cancer." I couldn't speak it was like all the air had been sucked out of my body. I told him I had to go and I would call him back. I went to the bathroom and tried to gather my thoughts. I came out and was crying and my boss was like what's going on. I told him what they had said in between trying to catch my breath and I told him I had to go to the hospital.

I went and picked Sharon up and to the hospital we went. We had been there for only a few minutes when the Pulmonary Doctor the GI team and the Nurse on the unit had came in. They told us that Richard couldn't have anything to eat or drink that day and night. That he was scheduled for surgery at 5:30 the next morning. They told us that the cancer appeared to be contained and if that was the case they would remove it and as long as it hadn't spread or invaded any lymph nodes that he wouldn't have to do any chemo treatments and they would just follow up with him.

I didn't know what to do or where to begin. I called work and got the Family Medical Leave Act papers sent to me because they said it would be about a six week recovery process for Richard. I turned them in the very next afternoon. Our friend Renae came and got the boys and took them to her house where they would stay for the next 2 weeks. At this time they didn't know what was going on. Richard didn't want to tell them until he was back on his feet.

The next morning I got to the hospital at 4am. Richard got a shower and we talked about all the possibilities. They came and got him for surgery right on time. We got to walk with him the whole way to the holding room. It was me, Sharon, Jerry, my 2 sister-in-laws and my niece. I was scared to death. The whole day was a lot of tears and worry for all of us. Around 1 the Doctor called the front desk and wanted us to meet her in the family room. It was then that I felt sick. We went in and we waited. She came in and I could tell by looking at her that it wasn't good news.

She said that it was much worse than they anticipated. The cancer was a little bit larger than a golf ball and there was no room left for anything to get around it. (hence the reason Richard got sick) And that it had spread to the outer muscle of the stomach. She removed a little over a foot of the small intestine and colon, the muscle around the stomach that was also cancerous, his appendix and a spot on his liver. As well as fixed a hernia that he had developed around his belly button. He was cut from just under his sternum to down below the belly button. She felt like she had gotten it all. At least everything that she could see. I was devastated. I was so upset I couldn't speak when she was talking to me and asking questions. Everybody else had to answer. But then she hugged me and looked at me and told me that Richard was a fighter and we would get through this all with tears in her eyes. It touched me in a way I can't explain but I still remember it as if it were yesterday. And sitting here typing all this brings it all back. Richard spent 2 days in the ICU.

Then he was moved to the Surgical Unit. Where I pretty much stayed around the clock. He couldn't do anything. For about 5 days all he could have were ice chips. And only a few at a time. He was catheterized, had a spinal block, and a morphine pump, He couldn't cough to clear his lungs because it hurt so bad. The doctors were worried that Pneumonia would set in. It never did. After spending 8 days on the surgical unit he was then moved back to the Pulmonary floor. Which we were very glad of. Most everybody there is like family to us and they care for us. Richard lost alot of weight when he was discharged he weighed 178 pounds. He is 6'2 and he was skin and bones at this time. All he wore were pajamas and they had to have the tie in the waste so they wouldn't fall off.

When we got the pathology report it had revealed all of the Surgeons suspicions. It had spread to the lymph nodes and it was Stage 3. Richard had to recover over a 6 week period before starting Chemo treatments. He completed four out of 12 rounds of the IV form of Chemo. It was just to much and his body couldn't handle it. So he stopped all treatments.

The on April 14th of this year he went for a scan and we were confident that they wouldn't find anything and that the scan would be clean like it was in July after the surgery. We were wrong. That is the day we discovered that the Cancer is back and this time it is much worse and Stage 4.

I have said all this to just be able to look back over the last year. It has been a very hard year for us as a family. We have faced things that I wouldn't put off on anybody. This is a constant struggle in our Faith with God and as a family. From the very first day we have both just turned it over to God. And he has given us this past year and we have learned to slow down and just enjoy the little things. I cherish every moment God chooses to give me with the love of my life. The Doctor has given Richard 2 years if this new pill form of Chemo works. When we went on June 9th the cancer hadn't grown but it hadn't shrunk either. It's just stable. And if the Chemo doesn't work we have at the most a year. It is hard for me to even fathom the thought of this.

There is an elderly couple that come to the Hospital where I work. He is 91 and she is 86 they have been married for 65 years. He carries her purse while she pushes her walker. He touches the small of her back ever so gently and she turns and smiles at him. And they both still have that sparkle in there eyes and you can tell that even after 65 years they are still so much in love with one another.

I want nothing more than to be that couple. I am trying to fit 65 years of marriage and memories into whatever time God gives us. God is the only one that really watches the clock anyway.