How am I doing?

This is a question I get asked alot. And alot of times my answer is always I'm doing ok. So the truth is well... I'm not so Ok. I am tired to the point where I can't hardly hold my head up and I feel like I am in slow motion. For lunch I had some pretzels because I really don't have much of an appetite but knew I needed to eat something. Also I went to Starbucks and got a Venti Mocha frap with 3, yes 3 shots of espresso. So right now I am still tired but I am wired.

Tonight the boys have there little closing ceremony thing at Church to end the week of VBS. So I am going to go to that to see what all they have been doing. Because they want tell me. It's a secret. And then I think when I get home I am going to take a Tylenol Pm and go to sleep or at least I hope I go to sleep. I promised Richard I would do this because he is worried about me. It's not just the fact that he isn't home that I don't sleep. I just don't sleep. It's like at night when I lay down my mind goes in a hundred different directions. I think about everything. I am a worrier by nature. I think of all the things that are coming up as far as appointments for Richard. What is our next step? How am I going to make it on my own when he is gone? I don't want to be a widow by the time I'm 30. What are our children gonna see as this progresses? How bad is it really gonna get? My mind gets the best of me. I can not focus for long period of times. I have recently been told that I have alot of anxiety and that I am High Strung. NO KIDDING! Also I was told that I need to learn how to slow my roll. Um Ok... sure thing. Then I was reffered to attend a meditation class. Ok let's think about this. Me in a quiet room with people I don't know and the voices in my head. Yeah thanks but no thanks.

I went yesterday and bought some books although I am some what out of the loop and don't know what are good reads and what aren't. I haven't really had the time lately but I feel like maybe curling up with a good book and having something else to focus on in the evenings will help me to relax. So if you no of any good books to read please let me know. I am certainly up for any suggestions you may have. Ok so thanks for letting me vent. Now that I think about it I guess that I am Ok.