Last week Day 3

Well Richard has been doing fairly well with this week's Chemo. But all good things must come to an end. He is not feeling so great this evening and you can tell it. Only 4 days left.

Maybe we should do that whole Desert for dinner thing that my friend Susie is always telling me about. Just to celebrate the completion. June 9th can't get here quick enough. Although I am scared that the Chemo may have been a waste of our time and I don't know if I am ready to hear that. But I am a need to know person. I have no patience and waiting really gets on my nerves. Richard always says he doesn't know how I managed to stay pregnant for 9 months with my lack of patience. Then again neither do I.

I pray that the Doctor will say that the Chemo has worked and the tumors show some shrinkage. I have never been known as an optimistic type of person. I am definately the realist and I don't see any point in sugar coating things. I don't like false hope. I already know that the only thing the Chemo is going to do if it works is just buy us more time. I treasure everyday now. I try not to think to much about tomorrow. I strictly live in the now.

It's like vacation. I am trying so hard to plan our vacation which will be in July. But I can't do to much planning in advance because what if Richard isn't feeling up to par or what if the Doctor doesn't think he should travel. Right now we are pretty much standing on the fence. We are going to try to go to California to see Richard's family and to meet the ones we have yet to meet. (more on this later.) But we have to make sure he can fly, also about the difference in elevation, and we have to figure out what to do about all his meds.And of course my worst fear is getting out there and him taking a turn for the worse and us being stranded there. Not saying that, that would be a bad thing. But all of Richard's doctors are here and they know his case. Do you see my dilemma? Maybe I just think way to much. If we can't make it there we have been talking about maybe going to see the Big Mouse. It's one or the other. And whichever one we don't go to this time around we will be taking another vacation in the fall to that place. It basically all depends on our finances and Richard's health as to where and if we are able to take any sort of vacation. We just can't plan very far in advance we have to just wait and see. And boy is that way to familiar for us.

I am glad tomorrow is Friday and it is the start of another 3 day weekend. Don't really know what our plans are at this point for the holiday just depends on how Richard is feeling. Ok so I'm off to try and get some sleep which is something that doesn't come easy for me anymore either.

Once again thanks so much for your prayers. I know God hears them because otherwise I wouldn't have the strength to get through. God Bless!