A lot of people say things that make you think.
I am not one to not state what I am thinking. I have always been this brutally honest person. I have hurt a lot of peoples feelings along the way. I feel that you, as my friends deserve to know the truth.
If you ask me "Kori, do these pants make my butt look big." If they do I am sorry but I will tell you that "yes they do and please don't wear them out in public with me." I'm just trying to save both of us from embarrassment.
These types of questions I haven't a problem with. The questions that stump me are questions like...
How are you doing?
My response is normally "Fine and you?"
Really I want to say, No scream that I am in fact Not Good. But I don't.
How is Richard?
My response "He's hanging in there"
Really I want to say, He's hurting, he's in pain, he's miserable and I can't help him. But I don't.
How are the boys?
My response "They seem to be doing ok"
Really I want to say, They aren't doing so swift. Richard can't do all the things he used to with them and they are disappointed but they understand. They shouldn't have to understand. But I don't.
Why can I not be as brutally honest with questions like these but I can with the stuff that really doesn't matter. Maybe I suppose it's because I feel like people won't understand. And after spending several times throughout the day trying to explain what is going on with Richard. I just feel like these answers suffice.
But they don't.
Maybe I should have some cards with my blog address made, then I could just say you can read all about it here. Hmmmm... maybe I'm on to something.
6 months ago
18 comments:
I totally get what you are saying!! I also have the opposite problem sometimes. Like when someone asks me how you are or how is your husband or how is your son and I answer that we are doing fine (which right now we are all things considered) and they don't believe you! Some people just don't understand how you can have cancer in your house and not be totally falling apart every minute of every day. Some have even said I am denying my true feelings!! My feelings are my feelings and I will have them whether or not other people think it's ok for me to have them. So...you go right ahead and do the same and then post on here what you really think!!
Hmm...cards..that might be a good idea.
I think that it puts you out there, and you really don't want to be put out there face to face with people. It's easier on a blog where you can't see us reacting, right?
I have and will continue to pray for all of you. I really can't imagine what you are going through. You have a strength that surpasses my understanding.
Thanks Rene I'm glad someone gets it.
Krystyn you know I love ya.
It's not that I have a problem talking face to face with people. It's just somedays tend to be a little more overwhelming than others with the quesions people ask. I think there are alot of times when people override their boundaries with what they ae asking. Ya know some things are just no ones business.
I am extremely grateful for my blog and the wonderful frineds I have made. It is definately a place I feel comfortable coming to wirte about how things really are around hee and how I am really feeling. Thanks for being so understanding.
Yes! This is exactly what I feel a lot of days. And I say exactly the same things.
Remind me never to ask you if my pants make my butt look big!
Love
Susie
I think the cards are a great idea. Sometimes it's easier to write (or type) our feelings than talk about them, for me anyway.
I'm honest like that too...I won't tell you your butt looks big, but if you ask? The truth will come out!
Kori:
I completely understand your thoughts and your perspective. Those are hard questions to answer. You really might be onto something with the cards having your blog address!
Thanks for your honesty, it is a great quality!
I so understand the dilemma. Wanting to honest and realistic, but tempering it with a positive attitude. And knowing that people don't know how to reply to the truth sometimes. It's a balancing act, isn't it?
I think the cards are a great idea. Also, if you email: put your blogspot address permanently on as a signature. That helps, too.
I understand what you are saying. Sometimes it is easier to just say "fine" rather than try to explain the ins and outs and it is true, people rarely seem to understand. I have found myself being more honest with at least those closest to us when these questions get asked. Sometimes it seems to help, other times it doesn't. Really I think that there is just no perfect way to deal with this. We just do the best that we can every day! Hang in there!!
Kori, you feel free to put your feelings out here for us to listen to you. I know it has to be awful going thru all that you all are going thru. I wish there was a way to make it better for you besides listening and prayers.
a friend of mines husband was unexpectedly tragically killed in Feb, I had a hard time seeing her and wondering what to say. hi, how are you ect, all those type of questions you had on this post. (she has 4 children from a prev marriage and then a 6 month old baby with this husband) anyway, I finally thought forget it. I am going to ask and make her tell her feelings. She had been feeling the same as you but I think its because of a few things, she didnt want to repeat the same long answers of its hard to sleep at night or this and that over and over to each person or she thought they really were just being nice and didnt really want to hear. so we go walking to gether when we can and I try really hard to help her be more open so she has someone to talk to. I think you have normal feelings. Hugs/Prayers for you and your family. Sorry its so hard on your children.
I know what you mean--sometimes it's just easier to say "fine." I do think its a good idea to have a card your blog address--the you could say "Hanging in there-and if you want the details, check out my blog!"
That's a good idea!!! Go to www.vistaprint.com for FREE cards, all you pay is shipping- I love them.
I know what you mean. Plus, for me, I don't want to speak negative. I'm afraid if I speak the truth, then it becomes really, really real, and I don't want it to do that- so I speak what I want to hear, too, and what I'm hoping will bring forth good. That sounded dumb- do you know what I mean?? I don't want to speak anything over my husband besides health and healing, I guess is what I'm trying to say.
You also get tired of telling the same stories over and over.
I remember when our son had a brain tumor at 15 (yes, this family has been kicked more times than is really necessary)- my best friend started telling everyone that if they had any questions about what was going on, to call HER because she knew we were just coping, and didn't have the energy or emotional strength to keep everyone up to date. That was amazing.
Frankly, I think telling people to visit your blog is a GREAT idea because then they can keep up with you, and you won't have to keep answering people in depth if you don't want to- and they will know how to better pray for you, too.
I love your honesty here.
You know what I did the other day, I told the girls that sometimes we don't need to tell EVERYONE what we're REALLY feeling (They had come into my office and my boss asked how they were. Gert said "I have to get a shot today" and Essie said "I have a stomache ache") they sounded SO much like The Ladies and I dont want them to grow up to be complainers.
BUT
Then I read a post like this and I realize the diservice I did them. There's a balance... and I hate for you that you find yourself on the other side. I am glad you have your blog to share your feelings... that's a good thing.
I sure think about you alot. I think you are so sweet and wise and poised, but I also KNOW that you are pissed off and angry and mad and sad and you see bad guys out there living to be 800 years old and you just want to puke from the unfairness of it all. I want to too, for you. I hate all this. I hate that you have to bear it.. I want to wisk you away and make it all go away.
yeah... I'm rambling again..
I love you sweetie.
People who ask such inane, ridiculous questions don't deservd an honest answer anyway; and they don't really care, they don't want to hear it, and maybe you should surprise a few of them by not glossng over the crap going on. Either they will stop asking or they will change the question. sorry, big pet peeve. Just-breathe, sweetie, and know that none of US have the answers anymore than you do, but that we are here for you. And BTW, I have thought about doing the same thing with MY blog-sending out a mass email to the people in my life and say, "If you want to know how I am, read this." but then I would totally have to filter everything I say, which just isn't going to work for me, ha ha.
I totally understand what you are saying. On the other coin...sometimes I don't know what to say either....and I certainly don't want to offend you or Richard, or belittle anything...or basically say the wrong thing. I do hope you'll correct me if I do...gently please. ;)
And,I my butt IS big....so I don't ever ask that question anyway...its not the pants' fault.
I'll chip in on your cards....what a great idea!
My heart aches for you. I hope Richard makes a decision that you can both be at peace with.
(Oh, and you are pretty, smart, generous and funny!)
My heart goes out to you. I know the pain you are going through. I've been there. I wish people could understand how less questions and more I love yous and how can I help yous are needed. You will be in our prayers and our hearts.
boy do I understand. My husband is in the Air Force and just left for a year long tour in Korea and if I hear one more time "it'll be over before you know it" I will kill someone!
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