Here lately I have been trying to be more understanding.
Because let's face it. Sometimes I just don't get it.
I don't think I'm meant to understand what is going on here in the Mc's household.
I have so many emotions that I can't even explain.
I am mad. And yes it does suck sometimes.
It's not that I'm mad at anyone it's just I don't get it.
I waited my whole life for this.
To be loved and to love with my whole heart in return.
And now it is slowly being taken away from me.
How can this be happening?
I do not ask why?
I just pray for a miracle.
I pray for another day and another and so on.
I pray that when the pain becomes to much that I will still be able to offer him some comfort.
I pray for my boys. Oh my sweet boys that love their Daddy more than anything.
Who's gonna tell them all about girls and their shenanigans?
Who's gonna teach them to drive a stick cause you know I don't know how?
How am I going to do this?
I pray for the peace that only God can give me?
Maybe I'm being selfish.
But all I want is to grow old with him.
I have always known that, that was probably not a possibility because of the CF but new strides are being made every day. Who knows how long we could have been together if it wasn't for the Cancer.
To watch our boys graduate High school/College, get married and have our beautiful gran babies.
Is that too much to ask?
It's not fair. What is fair anyways? Life isn't fair.
There are so many days when I don't think that I am strong enough to handle all this.
I don't want to be a 30 year old widow.
That was never the plan here.
I'm scared.
He's not.
I love him! God, I love him.
God give me peace and understanding.
God, thanks for letting me get it all out.
I love you still all the time regardless of it all because...
you love me all the time regardless of it all.
Amen!
6 months ago
40 comments:
There are no words. There is prayer and happy healthy thoughts being sent your families way every day. I am glad you have somewhere to go and say what you're feeling - to show the vulnerable side - and where you will get back words of love and encouragement. Where you will receive more prayer. (((hugs))) You're a strong woman.
you are somuch stronger than you know! and you are so surrounded by love and support. Relish in your days as a family and continue to make good memories!
much love and hugs!
THis is heart wrenching. I'm SO sorry that you have to go through this. Nobody should have to. But God does work miracles and you will make it through with His peace.
I'm saying this prayer with you, for you.
O Kori you are in my prayers Daily!
Im sorry, my heart aches with you...and the struggle between understanding at not...but I am glad that you always continue to find the good and be happy. You inspire me in more ways than you realize! My prayers are with you always!
God Bless you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers.
Kori, you are an amazing family. Please keep in mind that strides are being made every day. My prayer for you is the peace that passes all understanding. And I hope you know that you are not alone. Most important is the fact that God is with you. Then you have a wonderful network of bloggie buddies who love you all and are praying for you all daily.
I'm struggling with what words to say...
I don't get it either... my heart aches that you are going through this. You have such amazing strength!
We don't know what God's plan is in all this, but He will be with you always!
I don't know what to say.
Except your writing is beautiful.
And the love shines through every word.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Kori: I am sorry that you are facing this. It does suck! But, God is bigger. God does love you. He will hold you close. He will help with the pain.
Much love with hugs and tears!!!
I am so sorry that you are facing this struggle and all the questions. All I can say is that I know God is sovereign and His plan is bigger than ours.
May our Creator help you understand His plan. Hold tight.
Lisa Q
I pray that you have peace for the way the God has planned for you! Even without understanding it!
This was such a touching email.
And I feel guilty. Guilty you have all this love for your husband and not much time.
Guilty I have plenty of time with my husband...and the love seems to be missing...or faltering.
Anyway, I'm not trying to turn this comment about me. I just have a lot of strong feelings right now, and my thoughts are with you.
Kori My prayers are with you and Richard as well as your boys. All I know is that God is bigger then us.
I watched my Husband struggle with my disease for a long time and I recall him saying at one point * I want to understand why us?* I remember saying its in *God's hands*
At times it was harder to watch him struggle then to be sick even with cancer. Crazy as it sounds.
As hard as it is I gotta believe what happens is Gods will and its not for me to understand. As much as I would love to know why!! I keep thinking God has a plan for all of us. At times I struggle to but through it all God is there for us no matter what.
Even though I read all the time and rarely post. My thoughts and prayers are with you Kori and your family.
Please know I am holding you so tightly in my prayers...I ask why too...sending you both love!
No words, just prayers for you.
Kori-Prayed for you guys at church this morning during Communion.
You are doing everything right!
(((Hugs)))
Thinking of you often.
I've been a long time lurker, but I've also been a long time "keeping you in my thoughts and prayers". Believe it, or not, you give so many people strength that you don't even know about. You are such a wonderful person and you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
It all seems wrong. I don't know how this could be a part of God's plan. But then I could never even begin to understand what those plans might be all about.
I am so very sorry that you are going through all of this. I don't understand the strength that you must have.
I have been thinking about you a lot lately. Love you much.
With tears streaming down my face, I read this post and prayed the most sincere prayer for you and your family, that God will take this illness from Richard and that all of your prayers will be answered! Man I love you guys, and I've never met you!
It is heart-wrenching to be in your position. There are no words.
I wondered if it was possible for Richard to do some video's, especially for the kids? I've heard of people doing that and how much it meant to the kids to watch it and some turning point in their life (how to treat a date, graduation, etc.).
It must be so hard to see him suffer and feel so helpless. Please know that you aren't alone. Even if we aren't physically there, we are HERE.
Hey Kori,
I wonder what God has in store for y'all every time I read your blog. I really do. I pray for y'all on a daily basis and I pray for a miracle. God knows what's going on and what's going to happen. You know that. Trust him. And you're NOT selfish. I think I'd be the same way if I were you.
I think Richard should record some videos for the boys with messages....and write them letters for milestones (first date, kiss, drivers license, graduation, college, marraige, having kids, etc. ) and birthdays. That would help them along the way, in my opinion.
Still praying!
Love, Mere
Let it out. Do it often. It's such a good witness for Christ. I think God wants us to question why? It's all for His glory. One of the many things I love about you is you are going through something more difficult than most of us could ever imagine and all the while maintaining your love for Jesus. He is your sustainer. No, it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It doesn't mean it's not excruiatingly sad. But His grace is sufficient. His grace is enough. I don't know if anything I say can possibly help you, but I know Our God is an awesome God and He will carry you. I love you. You are such a tremendous person and I hope you continue to praise Him in this storm. You are forever His and so is Richard.
I don't know the answers to your questions. I have many of my own. You are not supposed to feel any differently. No one wants to see any of this happening, least of all you who loves your husband and family. God is faithful, even when we don't feel it.
I don't know the answers to your questions. I have many of my own. You are not supposed to feel any differently. No one wants to see any of this happening, least of all you who loves your husband and family. God is faithful, even when we don't feel it.
Kori - Every time I read one of your posts, it gives me the chills. I'm so glad (again) that you'll be going to Disney, and I can't wait to hear all the fun from it, as much stress as there is in the interim. The only plus side -- I don't think there are enough stick shifts left in this world that you'll have to worry about that one. *hugs* to you all - know my thoughts and prayers are with you.
As always I am praying for you and your family. You are a strong woman, and even if you don't think so right now, we have been with you through all of this and we see it in your heart, your words, your love.
the only thing i can say is...you have a cupcake anytime you need one:)
i love you!
I don't have any words for you either, but know that I will support you in any way that I can and I love you too...
Prayers and Hugs...Michelle
I wish I had words to comfort you ... I'll send prayers and cyber hugs and hope it helps, even if just a teeny tiny bit.
Kori,
Words seem rather lame at this point when your whole world is being turned upside down. Its not fair and it really stinks! I do know that our Heavenly Father loves you so much and understands exactly where you are at and what you are feeling. I don't give advice but this time I just want to say to you, we don't have to understand God's plan for our lives, we have to TRUST in Him and that plan, He will do the rest.
Continuing to pray for y'all from Texas.
Blessings,
Candace
Kori,
Words seem rather lame at this point when your whole world is being turned upside down. Its not fair and it really stinks! I do know that our Heavenly Father loves you so much and understands exactly where you are at and what you are feeling. I don't give advice but this time I just want to say to you, we don't have to understand God's plan for our lives, we have to TRUST in Him and that plan, He will do the rest.
Continuing to pray for y'all from Texas.
Blessings,
Candace
Kori ~ you are such a strong woman. Why are there no answers? I used to ask God the very same thing when he took my sister away from me 12 years ago. She was so young and had a 7 year old daughter and a niece (my Cassie) that thought the whole world revolved around her aunt.
I so wish there were reasons why...my heart is with you girlfriend. Enjoy the time you have with Richard.
Hugz,
Michele
prayers to y'all from Huntsville
I am praying for you and Richard and your boys. Your faith is what gives you the strength you have, and that will continue to help your family throughout it all. Thanks for sharing your struggles. Sounds strange, I know, but I think you are helping others, and on the other side, prayers are being offered for you...
Can I give you a hug? You can do it, and you will be strong. obviously, you're an amazing woman for taking all of this on. It's got to be hard, but you are not alone. Just keep swimming ...
The first time I read this I couldn't leave a comment. I was too emotional. Now I still can't but I want you to know that I think you are brave, even if you do not feel that way. And while I don't really "know" you I love you anyway and hope and pray that you will find your answers.
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