Scatter brained

Things have been slightly hectic around here the past week or so.

Richard's pain continues to worsen, he is now on even more pain meds. He is sleeping more throughout the day and taking it easy for the most part.

I got really great news last week. Someone that has worked for the Hospital for well over 20 years wanted to donate 480 hours of their sick time for me to use when I take my FMLA to stay home with Richard when the time comes. I was elated.

It didn't last long as the next day I spoke with the Leave Coordinator and I can't use the donated sick time for FMLA to take care of Richard, it can only be used if I was the one that was sick and needing off. So then I was really bummed and feeling pretty low. I mean possibly 12 weeks, 3 months without pay. (insert scream)

I am more than stressed out about how we are going to pay all the bills when I have to take off. Plus since I won't be getting a check from the Hospital I will have to pay them my part of our insurance. Which is $500 bucks a month. And of course I have to keep my insurance for Richard to be able to get the care he needs. So that plus all our regular monthly bills... well it's more than I want to think about right now.

Then there's funeral cost. This may sound morbid to some but so far this week I have spoken to 3 different Funeral Directors trying to "bargain shop" if you will. We have an appointment the end of May to go make pre-arrangements so that at least some of it will be paid for. Richard doesn't have any life insurance because he has had a chronic illness all his life and they don't give life insurance to people with a chronic illness. If you ask me I think they are the ones that need it the most. Did you know that your basic funeral cost no less than 7 grand. I suggest that if you don't have any life insurance you check into it as soon as possible cause none of us are guaranteed our next breath. It ain't cheap to die.

I do have good news for all of those that have been asking how they can help. We are in the process of establishing a Trust Fund for our family. You can donate any amount of monies to the fund and it will be used when the time comes for me to take off to be with Richard, it will help support our family during that time as well as help with funeral cost. More about this later.

Speaking of the Trust Fund the lawyer we found is doing all the paper work for that pro-bono as well as the adoption of the boys. I still can't believe it. Please pray that my ex will do the right thing in signing over his rights. When this takes place the boys will have entirely new names that we all picked out together. When it's official I will share them with you.

This past week or so I felt overwhelmed, like everything I was trying to do I just kept hitting walls. I am still pretty stressed out about everything. I mean casket shopping is not like car shopping. It is not something I ever thought I would have to do at this stage in my life. I don't know how we are going to be able to afford me taking off to take care of Richard as his cancer progresses. I don't know where 7,000 dollars is going to come from to pay for funeral expenses. I do know that I have to do it now cause when the inevitable happens and my hubby goes on his permanent glorious vacation (this is what we call it for the boys sakes. it helps), I will not be able to then. I am scared of how quickly things seem to be happening. I know it is only a matter of time before he will no longer be able to drive or do anything for himself. This scares me beyond measure.

All I know is that God is God and nothing is to big for Him. I know that He will provide us with everything we need. It's just a little scary sometimes, thank God for the peace He continues to give.

I know it will all be Ok it's just a little hard to see through the tears right now.