Happy Birthday Jacob!

12 years ago on December 29, 1996 I was 16 and now I was someone elses Mother. I was scared but oh so excited of what the future would hold for us both.

We certainly had a lot of growing up to do.

You were the most beautifully handsome baby I had ever laid my eyes on. You were mine.

Your smile melted my heart and your laugh was contagious.

When those big brown eyes looked into mine... It was love.

And when Calob came, you were ecstatic. You were the best Big Brother.

You always wanted to snuggle with him.

I can only hope that ya'll will always remain as close as you are now.

You always knew how to bring a smile to my face with some of the sweetest gifts.

No matter how big you get... my baby you will always be.

We are so lucky to have you as our son. You are turning into a wonderful young man.

Daddy and I love you so very much.

Happy 12th Birthday Jacob.

The following is the letter we got in my stocking on Christmas morning along with a frog that Jacob made and sewed himself in home-ec.

It's really sweet and it made me cry of course. But when I got to the part and his obnoxious brother the tears were because I was laughing hysterically. I also love the fact that he calls me and the hubs love birds. That kid cracks me up everytime.

He is our son and there's nothing better.

Our Gift to all of You!

Here are a few of the pictures that Tonya took of us last Tuesday.

They are so much more than I ever could have hoped they would be.

They are artsy and fun and show who we really are. Love them and I hope you do to.

Merry Christmas!

**click to make larger**

Weight lifting

Richard spoke with the doctor today about the results of his MRI. It was clean there is no cancer in or near the brain. Praise God for he is Good. Although the headache is being caused by a serious sinus infection. With Richard having Cystic fibrosis the mucus that is in his lungs is real thick and sticky, yucky stuff. The same thing goes for the junk in his sinuses it too is thick and sticky. Alot of CF patients sometimes have to undergo sinus surgery to take care of the problem. So after the first of the year Richard will be going to see even more Docs to figure out what the best form of treating this will be.



I have to admit I have been sick with worry. Tears have flowed from my eyes so much it's a wonder I have any left to cry. So even thogh the news isn't great a huge weight has been lifted.



Yesterday the pain in his back was the worst so far. I contemplated a few times on taking him to the ER but he wouldn't hear of it. He did mention this to the Doctor today. Thankfully his Doctor is the one on call for the Holidays. So if it gets really bad again he wants us to go to the ER and have him paged. I don't really know what they will do. I'm guessing just give him some stronger pain medicines to help him tolerate it better. Oh I just don't know, all I can do is pray and I ask you to do the same.



Christmas was really stressing me out to no end. I wanted the boys to have the best Christmas ever because as much as I may try to not think about it. This may very well be Richard's last Christmas with us. I pray not and I have no way of knowing except by what the Doctor has said. After the year we have had and all the things they have had to deal with I just wanted it to be memorable and enough to erase the bad things and for them just to be overjoyed with excitement. Even though we surround them with love it is still very hard to know that it won't always be like this.



Thanks to many of you. Christmas will be wonderful for the boys. I can not thank you all enough for everything. I want you to know that without you guys Christmas was an impossibility for us to make happen. The only things I have been able to buy were the necklaces and a Wii game that Jacob wanted that I was able to find on sale for 20 dollars. That's it. These past couple of months have been tough. I am able to keep all the bills paid and current but other than that there is hardly any extra between what I make at work and Richard's disability check. It is pretty slim pickings around here when it comes to extras. The boys understood and then with the news of the trip to Disney. We were more than elated with that being our Christmas present. But alot of you had much bigger plans. I am truly humbled and I have been shown what Christmas is all about.



The outpouring of love and support has been remarkable. Thank you all so very much.

Next week & a little something special!

Just wanted ya'll to know that we won't have the MRI results back until next week sometime. As soon as we do I will share them with you.

My good IRL friend Kimberlee sent this to me last night cause she knows I wait for this song to come on the radio every year at Christmas time. I love it. The boys love it. It makes me smile and laugh. It's the greatest. And don't think I'm weird because I know all the words. It's catchy... right?

Oh come on. You know it's gonna be in your head all day. Singing about Hippopotamus-esis.

Nervousness ... Calmness

I had someone at work today who didn't know about Richard ask me how I was doing. And I spilled my guts. I mean really I just couldn't shut up. I wanted to. I needed to. And all the while she had this look. THE look. The look of pity. The look of sadness. The look of regretting asking me that question. I don't know what came over me. After I finished spilling my guts and she said the usual "Oh I'm so sorries" I then in turn apologized to her. I felt bad like I had hurt her feelings. Broken her heart. I don't like that look. It hurts. ALOT. The reason... because I feel it in me. I see it me in the mirror everyday. Everyday.

Richard goes tomorrow to have his MRI done to hopefully figure out where this headache is coming from that he has had for 3 weeks now.



I'm worried. I mean what if...



Ok not gonna think that way. Positive thinking is the key. Right? RIGHT



We're gonna continue to pray it up and trust in God's plan for our lives.



I know that it is only a matter of time before it is either the Cancer or the CF that will win this battle. I know this. We know this.


Are we ready? Absolutely not.


Are we scared? Yes.


Will we get through it? Of course with Him our God.


The other day Richard said this...

"I know where I'm going when I leave this place. It will be unimaginable.

But the getting there... that is the hard part."

Yes, yes it is.

Christmas Cards for Sidnei

Let me tell ya'll a story.

See this beautiful girl right here. This is my good Bloggy friend Stephanie.

If ya'll don't know her I recommend you go check out her blog.

The Road Less Traveled. It will truly touch your heart.

Stephanie and I talk quite often well that is if you consider IM'ing talking. But I do have her phone number just haven't called but we have texted a few times. Anyways. She is wonderful.

Stephanie has had to deal with a lot.

She married Sidnei on March 8, 2008 just 9 months ago.

They then went on their Honeymoon to St Thomas the very next day.

They were beyond elated to be married and enjoying their new life together.

But when they were ready to come home Sidnei was arrested at customs.

Stephanie was devastated and in shock. She had to get on a plane and come home without the love of her life.

You can read all about there story here, here and here.

This past weekend is the first time she has been able to go to Puerto Rico to see her beloved Sidnei in 9 months.

Her and I were talking yesterday and I asked if I could send Sidnei a Christmas Card. I know things have got to be hard on him being away from her. And I thought I could bring a little Christmas Cheer his way. Then I thought. Everyone can send Sidnei a Christmas Card and just blow him away by the outpouring of kindness we all have.

So if you would like to send Sidnei some Christmas cheer by sending him a card. I would be overjoyed and so would Stephanie. You can email her at

mrsdemiranda at gmail dot com

Also there is NO EXTRA POSTAGE required, unless your cards require some! Just put a regular stamp and send it on!! Puerto Rico is a US territory and USPS delivers there like continental US!

Thanks so much you guys.

Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

Oh I have believed in you and your magical wonder since the very beginning. I knew that Christmas was very special because we had to go take family pictures just for the occasion.

I was some kind of excited. Mom and Dad were the best at telling stories about the reindeer that pulled the sleigh and the jolly man with a great big tummy who carried a sack that never ran out of toys for every girl and boy that worked so hard all year at being very good.

I was pretty nervous the first time we met. However I didn't cry.

I have continued the magical wonder of you in my own children. We make home-made cookies for you every year. And you don't get milk here, you get egg nog with cinnamon sprinkled on top. Jacob once worried about you eating all those cookies and thought you would like a piece of gum for in between stops. You took it and left him a note in your magical Santa writing. The look on his face that morning was priceless. Calob once ate the crumbs of cookies off the plate simply because he thought they would make him just as magical as you. It didn't. And that was ok with him he knew that their could only be one Santa.

Things have been tough this year for our family. I lost a lot of sleep over this. I have worried and wept and prayed to the one that really matters. I know you know this. Christmas hasn't been as joyful for us. We haven't been able to go and get all the things the boys have wished for. My sweet boys understood when we talked to them about this. I am glad.

But Santa you had a different plan for us didn't you? Oh yes you did.

Your elves have sent several wonderful gifts for the boys. Clothes, toys and even some gift cards. I am truly humbled Santa.

Oh yes I know that Christmas isn't about the gifts or the giving. It is about Christ. He has truly blessed us.

Thank you Santa for sending your elves.

Still Believing,

~K~