Details and Book of Memories online.

Just click on his name Jerry McCulley on the left. HERE

Peace be still

Richard graced the gates of Heaven at 12:26 AM today.

"We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body,

and to be present with the Lord."

2 Corinthians 5:8

Short Update

Hospice is here round the clock now. Said it's just a matter of time, a few days maybe a week at most. We covet your prayers for our family at this time.

Overwhelmed

Richard was brought home last Thursday by Ambulance. He barely eats or drinks anything. His arms, legs and face continue to get thinner as his belly continues to grow more and more.

He doesn't rest much, he tries several times a day to climb out of the bed. I don't know how much of that is brought on by the medication or just his stubbornness. Yesterday he fell in the bathroom. Scared me to death. Calob was completely freaked out. So between trying to get Richard up all the while trying to calm Calob, I was completely a mess.

Who am I kidding I am still a mess. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to face I'm not going to lie. And the reality is it is just going to get harder. I'm scared of the days ahead. The Doctor told us last Wednesday that it is just a matter of weeks, yesterday the Hospice nurse said the same thing. I don't think I have even begun to process that. How can I possibly?

Please continue to pray for us.

Amazed

This amazing friend of mine that I love

Has arranged this

And we are truly humbled and AMAZED!

Don't miss it. Check it out HERE.

Downhill on an Up Hill Climb

When we were told last year in April that the cancer was back and that it was stage 4. I would say that was a very bad day for our family. Well, today was probably the worse day to date so far.

Yesterday the Oncologist was called due to the pain that Richard has been having in his groin. He's not in the Hospital for cancer he is here because of his Cystic Fibrosis. So of course there is a process for everything and when everyone can be called in. Well yesterday was that day where a LOT of people were called in.

Dr. P. the Oncologist ordered a CT scan with Contrast to be done today. He also ordered for Richard to be placed on a morphin pump. Well last night Richard had a really bad episode where he felt like he was being smothered. He felt like he couldn't breathe. So Doctors came rushing and took him to get an Xray of his chest as well as an ultrasound of his abdomen to see how much fluid he might be retaining.

Well the Xray showed that he had a plural fusion, it's where fluid is trapped between the lung and the chest wall and it pushes on the lung. In Richard's case it was the right lung and it had a liter and a half of fluid pressing on it. No wonder he couldn't breathe.

This morning they took Richard to do an ultrasound of his chest. There was talk of chest tubes, drainage and possible surgery depending on what they found. Turns out that the fluid was free flowing in one pocket. So they came in and stuck a ginormous needle in Richard's back on the right side, then went in between the ribs until they hit the pocket of fluid. They started pulling it off into a bag with a very large syringe. The fluid was very bloody due to the cancer. They removed 1300 CC's of fluid. That is a liter and not quite a half. Richard was becoming uncomfortable so they had to stop. But since they got the majority of it they felt like that would be fine. Richard is breathing better now.

There were several concerns about doing the CT scan. Richard isn't able to eat or drink very much at one time. But he had to get down at least 24 ounces of contrast fluid in order to do the test. He managed to get-r-done. But because of some issues with how well is Kidneys are functioning they were not able to give the other form of contrast through the IV.

But the radiologist was able to see what was going on regardless. The news is very disheartening. I felt like I was gonna pass out when the Doctor was telling us. So now I come here to share our almost unbearable news with you.

Richard has several tumors on and in the liver. Also all the lymph nodes going down into his chest and the ones surrounding his Aorta are all enlarged and are all cancerous as well. The organs being involved has just happened since we had the last scan in April. The organs being this involved is not good.

I have never questioned God more than I have today.

Come Monday morning I will be going to the Doctor and turning in my Medical Leave of Absence for the next 12 weeks. I don't know if we have 12 weeks left considering how advanced everything is but whatever time it is I don't wanna miss it. I am nervous about being off work. There are so many uncertainties. I don't know how things will get done. I do know that my place is at home with my Husband and our children. I can't worry about everything all the time. It will work out, God will work it out and it will be alright.

We are still trying to comprehend all the things that have taken place today. We are mentally, emotionally and physically drained.

We just ask that you please remember us in your prayers.

We are leaning solely on the Lord to uphold us and for the everlasting peace that only he can give.

Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)
For I am the LORD, your God,

who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you,

Do not fear;

I will help you.

As I sit

As I sit here tonight at my husbands bedside in the Hospital watching him sleep and listening to him breathe. All the while machines are beeping, oxygen is gurgling from the water, people are coming in and out. It's hectic here in this place.

As I glance across the bed I see our oldest, sweet Jacob with his face lit up all a glow from the gameboy he is playing. He stops, looks up and glances over at me and gives me just a hint of a smile. Then he looks down at his Daddy and he still smiles. Even though it's hectic here in this place.

We are here because Hubby has had an interesting day and I was asked to stay. It all started this morning with a new pain in the groin. There is a knot there a swollen lymphnode. The Doctor believes it is the cancer spreading further. He increased Richard's pain meds. Then when I was leaving to return to work after lunch the nurse stopped me in the hallway to let me know that Richard's weight was off by 10 pounds yesterday, showing that he had gained 10 pounds since Thursday. I old her that most definitely was a mistake because he is barely eating anything. They re-weighed him. He has gained 16 pounds since Thursday. 16 POUNDS! What!? I asked. Yes it is true. My hubby is retaining large amounts of fluid in his body. The Doctor then put him on Lasix. It is definitely a hectic place here.

I scrambled this evening trying to find somewhere for the boys to stay so I could be here. Calob is now with his best buddy. Jacob is here in this hectic place. When I asked him if he wanted to go somewhere else... "No" was the answer I got.

So here we sit in our PJammies while the love of our lives sleeps in a peaceful slumber. He is still and comfortable and we are glad. Still loopy from all the Benadryl they continue to give him to help with the allergic reaction to the IV antibiotics. Jacob thinks the loopyness is hilarious, then Richard laughs too.

Here is this hectic place. There is no other place I would rather be.

God is here in this hectic place.

For this no matter how hectic I am thankful.

I leave with a picture from Saturday. I love it and thought you might too.