Some days I think this is NOT my life, this is NOT really happening to our family, Richard is NOT dying.
Then... Reality hits.
This really is my life. My Husband, the Daddy to our two beautiful boys, he's leaving us, not by choice but because God needs him more.
Then... I become overwhelmed.
With sadness, with the thought that Oh my gosh I will quite possibly be a widow by the time I turn 30, a single Mom with 2 boys, not by choice but because God needed him more.
Then... I worry.
Our boys, Richard won't be here for all the big milestones in their lives. High school, drivers licenses, girls, dating, graduation, college, marriage, beautiful babies. So many times they will need their Daddy and he won't be there. Will I be good enough in those times? How will this effect them as they get older? Will they always remember how wonderful Richard is? I don't want them to ever forget.
Then... I get mad.
Anger takes over as I think about all these things. It's just not fair.
Then... I understand.
Jeremiah 1:5 says
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart"
This is the life He chose for us. He knew.
Then... I realize.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD
Jeremiah 29:11-14a
This is His plan, it has never once been mine.
Then... I am thankful.
For the past 8 years 9 months and 11 days I have had to spend with the man of my dreams. I will continue to Praise God for every day he allows me to add. For everyday He allows me to love Richard, for everyday He allows our boys to have their Daddy, for everyday that we are allowed to make memories to hopefully last us a lifetime, for every kiss, every hug, every touch of his hand, every I love you, for everything I am thankful.
Then... I am grateful.
For this life, for the bad, for the good, for this love, for this time.
For all the trials and tears of time,
For every hill I've had to climb,
My heart sings but a grateful song.
These are the things that make me strong
~Author Unknown~
24 comments:
Keep up that attitude. Keep looking forward to every day with Richard.
Oh honey, here I sit crying...and you're so strong. Your boys will NEVER forget their daddy...ever. And you will be there for them whenever they need you!
Big hugz,
Michele
I think it's amazing, the way you get to that point and the way you write it down.
Is Richard writing anything for the boys? I just finished Things I Want My Daughters to Know (or something like that). That's what made me ask.
Just.... hugs. The roller coaster is horrible.
hugs...no words.
You amaze me...Really
Thank you.
Know that you guys are always in my prayers.
xoxoxox
Kori that is so honest and ... so beautiful. I can't imagine how you're doing right now, but as always, you're in my thoughts and prayers -- all of you. Keep counting those days and blessings!
Beautifully written. Lovely. Real.
You are such a strong soul Miss Kori. All my love to you and your family!
It takes a strong woman whose faith in God is unwavering to stand tall through trials. Hugs to you, Richard and the boys.
Kori, you made me cry again!
I love those verses.
I wish I could fix it all for you.
Love, Trish
You made me cry...again! Praying for you, Kori! Thanks for expressing all of your different emotions here on the blog. It is a good reminder that God understands it all and loves us through it all!
You are so strong, Kori. Do you know that? You really, truly are and I completely admire you for your strengh! You are a great mommy to your boys and your boys and Richard are so lucky to have you. (((HUGS)))
You are always in our prayers and I am so thankful for your faith, Kori.
I read somewhere recently about a young boy who was dying of cancer. He told his parents not to worry about him, that he was not going to be gone - just being transferred to Headquarters. Hope that gives you a smile, if even through tears. The good news is you will only be separated from Richard for a little while. You WILL see him again. And when you do there will be no more pain!
Sending you a huge hug!
Do you have any idea how much I love you?
I, too, wish I could make this go away...
God is near to you and Richard and your boys.
Praying the love of Jesus continues to be an overshadowing presence in your lives.
God's word strengthens us and encourages us. The more life experiences we have, the more we understand His word.
Take care and continue to hold tightly to the truth. Many are praying for you, Richard, and your sweet boys.
Lisa Q
XOXO!!!
Very Well said....You are a gift to everyone around you!!! You are an inspiration... Sorry I haven't been reading regularly.... Since my daughter graduated and life is slower... I'M BACK to be your biggest FAN!!
you are amazing, inspiring and human...it is ok to have moments.
You guys have been blessed.
hugs..I hope and pray that you and your family find the strength....i have faith it will be ok
Oh girl never doubt they will remember, just as you will. And he will be with them for the milestones, in their hearts. And you will look at them and smile knowing how proud Richard would be and how much of him is in them. They've had him most of their lives, he's already molded them into the men they will become.....and he'll be smiling always above all of you.
Some people will NEVER find the love and peace you've found with Richard...he is a blessing, that's for sure. I'm so glad you can find comforting thoughts during this trying time. I think of you often, honey!!
Jeremiah 29:11 is my life verse. So much comfort to be found in those words.
God knows everything you are feeling, and has a plan for every part of this journey.
Leaning on Him is exactly where you need to be.
And we're right here on the other side, ready for you to lean on us when the time comes.
Oh Kori--wow! God is truly hemming you in on all sides. Your honesty is a treasure.
Kori, I love you so.
You are a constant in my thoughts prayers and happy thoughts.
Your faith is inspiring.
You are one in a million.
You are so incredibly strong.
You are so incredibly loved.
Em
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